Mark My Words

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  • 21 Reasons Why ’21 Didn’t Suck

    When I woke up this morning, it was snowing and 5°. I lounged in my recliner, sipping a cup of coffee, watching the snow pile up as the temperature dropped. It was down to zero when Tara left shortly before 8 a.m. I felt bad that she had to work and was grateful that I…

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  • If You Need Me, I’ll Be Busy Rescuing Kids from a Burning Building

    Years ago, when I had to come up with weekly blog topics on ENT conditions, I set up a bunch of Google Alerts. These are notifications you receive whenever Google finds new results based on search terms you specify. Mine were based on keywords such as ears, nose, throat, and allergies. Whenever a relevant article…

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  • You’ll Have to Pry This Cookie Gun From My Cold, Dead, Flour-Dusted Hands

    At one point on Sunday afternoon, I was gathering and stacking wood while Tara was in the kitchen baking. Then I went downstairs to watch football while she busied herself doing laundry. Rarely have our gender roles been so clearly—and, it must be said, stereotypically—defined. It’s not always like that. Honestly, it’s rarely like that.…

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  • One

    I had a real hard time getting out of bed this morning, no doubt because it was one. And I don’t mean “one cozy bed” or “one hell of a great dream I was having” or “one of those mornings I was feeling lazy.” Rather, it was one degree. a/k/a 1°. Not inside the house,…

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  • Dance with the Devil & You’re Gonna Get Burned

    Here’s a friendly little PSA: if you’re ever offered a pretzel with the name Lucifer’s Straight Jacket, avoid it at all costs. Unless you’d rather spend the next 20 minutes with your mouth on fire and tears streaming down your face. If that’s the case, knock yourself out, bro. This is a classic case of…

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  • Wash, Rinse, Reheat

    When our microwave crapped out on us two months ago, we sort of shrugged our shoulders. “No big deal,” we said. “How much do we really use a microwave anyway?” Well. The answer, it turns out, is a lot. Reheating leftovers, of course. Which we managed to do on the stove or in the oven,…

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