Mark My Words

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  • You’ll Have to Pry This Cookie Gun From My Cold, Dead, Flour-Dusted Hands

    At one point on Sunday afternoon, I was gathering and stacking wood while Tara was in the kitchen baking. Then I went downstairs to watch football while she busied herself doing laundry. Rarely have our gender roles been so clearly—and, it must be said, stereotypically—defined. It’s not always like that. Honestly, it’s rarely like that.…

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  • One

    I had a real hard time getting out of bed this morning, no doubt because it was one. And I don’t mean “one cozy bed” or “one hell of a great dream I was having” or “one of those mornings I was feeling lazy.” Rather, it was one degree. a/k/a 1°. Not inside the house,…

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  • Dance with the Devil & You’re Gonna Get Burned

    Here’s a friendly little PSA: if you’re ever offered a pretzel with the name Lucifer’s Straight Jacket, avoid it at all costs. Unless you’d rather spend the next 20 minutes with your mouth on fire and tears streaming down your face. If that’s the case, knock yourself out, bro. This is a classic case of…

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  • Wash, Rinse, Reheat

    When our microwave crapped out on us two months ago, we sort of shrugged our shoulders. “No big deal,” we said. “How much do we really use a microwave anyway?” Well. The answer, it turns out, is a lot. Reheating leftovers, of course. Which we managed to do on the stove or in the oven,…

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  • The Last Dinner

    When we moved to the Midwest three point five years ago, some cultural adjustments were necessary. For starters, we had to get used to people who were overwhelmingly nice. Began to think of “traffic” as being third in line at a red light instead of inching forward on a freeway for hours. Discovered that Fleet…

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  • I Won’t Tell No One Your Name

    It’s December, which means the most wonderful time of the year. The holidays? Nope! Spotify Wrapped. Not everybody feels this way. A lot of people complain about being subjected to an endless social media bombardment of statistics they care nothing about. They say Spotify Wrapped is nothing more than a data aggregator or marketing tool.…

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