• Our only speed is turbo.

    Apparently, I have a “type.” Not when it comes to women, but cars. (OK, probably women, too. But that’s neither here nor there.) Why yes, that is a brand-new-to-me car in my driveway. Just five days after learning that my trusty Hyundai Kona wasn’t quite so trusty anymore, she was history. If that seems fast,…

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  • There was a farmer had a dog.

    A few months ago, Tara asked me if I’d be interested in playing bingo sometime. “Only if we eat dinner at 4 p.m. and get back home in time for me to yell at those damn kids to get off our lawn,” I replied. What can I say? I’ve always associated bingo with old people.…

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  • If shuffleboard and billiards had a love child.

    Every few years, I become obsessed with a different sport. In 2006, thanks to the World Cup, it was soccer. During the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, I discovered snowboard cross. At the Jefferson County Fair two years ago, I came down with a bad case of tractor pulling envy. In 2026, my newest sports…

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  • Angry birds, sappy texts.

    I got a new phone last week. Had the previous one for almost four years, which is a record. Stupid throwaway culture of ours! Phones are an investment that oughta last a good 10 years if you ask me (but nobody did, so I guess I’m just pissin’ in the wind here). Unlike last time,…

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  • I’ll take “Spoilers” for $800, Ken.

    Not long ago, I mentioned that we’re currently binging Six Feet Under. We’re 43 episodes in with 20 left to go. Totally enjoying it, by the way. This is a very different version of Michael C. Hall than I am used to, but he still chats up his dead father, so there are some parallels…

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  • A hiss-story lesson.

    After our beloved Sydney went to The Great Scratching Post in the Sky, we decided when we were ready for a cat again, we’d double down and get two. We’d tried adding a kitten to the mix once, but as much as Sydney loved humans and dogs, cats were another story. At best, they tolerated…

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