Throwing Down the Holiday Gauntlet

After my epic Christmas-light-hanging FAIL on Sunday, my dear wife took pity on me.

“You know, we don’t have to hang lights this year,” Tara said. “We can just enjoy our neighbor’s!”

This might have appeased me if said neighbor hadn’t thrown down the gauntlet on Sunday. Which wouldn’t have happened in the first place if she didn’t read my blog, and that wouldn’t have happened if we weren’t Facebook friends. Talk about a vicious circle, and I can only blame myself. Man, I should really stop being such an open book!

“No way!” I replied. “Have you seen Kelly’s house lately?!” And with that, I leapt from my chair and dramatically threw open the living room curtains with all the fervor of an actor seeking Oscar gold. “Look how she’s taunting us, babe!”

Kelly’s house. There are more lights in the backyard. A LOT more.

“Who says she’s taunting us?” Tara asked.

“Kelly herself says!” I cried. “It’s all right there on Facebook!”

Don’t believe me? The proof is right here in black and white. Witness this exchange that occurred following my blog post, in which I sort-of blamed Kelly for making me get up on that ladder in the first place because of their festive decorations.

OK, no sort-of. I totally blamed her.

K: Those festive friggin neighbors how dare they. In a pandemic no less!! Oh by the way. There’s a million more to hang up we’re just getting started 😂😂😂

Me: Great. Now the pressure’s really on! Wish we had a nice, low roof like yours.

K: We just threw down. The ball, or should I say lights, are in your court.. 😂

Me: Leah gave me the name of a company they use. The game might just be back on!!

K: But wait.. I’m not sure it counts if you pay someone because… the cheese factor we have by doing it ourselves…and not being professionals… that’s gold baby! The tackier the better! 😂

What am I supposed to do…ignore that? HA! If there’s one personality trait of mine Tara cannot deny, it’s my competitive spirit. If you challenge me, by golly, I’m going to be ALL IN. I cannot be denied! Victory will be mine!!

Only, ahem, the lighting company that Leah suggested is booked solid for the season. I had a recommendation for another company, so I contacted them and got a quote. Emailed them this morning saying I’d like to book ’em for the job, but I haven’t heard back yet.

Sure hope they’re available, because Christmas is still five and a half weeks away and I don’t need to be reminded of my ladder failure every time I glance out the window and see Kelly’s house lit up like the second coming of Casa Griswold! Life is stressful enough these days.

Still not sure if I’m writing every day this month…

22 thoughts on “Throwing Down the Holiday Gauntlet

  1. I have to say I was heretofore unaware you could pay people to hang your Xmas lights. It does seem an unfair advantage in a throw down though. Give up the roof lighting idea and get creative on the ground. Light your lamp post, your mailbox, your shrubs. Hell, if Tara stands still long enough, light her. This challenge can not go unanswered!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is America. Everything has a price, and there’s a price for everything, remember?

      While your idea has merit, we do not have a lamp post and our mailbox is a a small metal rectangular next to the front door. We do, however, have shrubs. And I have a Tara!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Get creative. Stick a chicken on a bicycle and light that. Get an old toilet at the dump and light that. It’s the perfect symbol of 2020. Work with me man…


  2. I was going to say that Tara has her hands full with your competitive spirit. 😛

    And now Rivergirl suggested you decorate your lovely wife, probably with blinking lights, and maybe the cat too while you’re at it and… I’m out. 😂😄😉

    PS wonder if I can hire a hanging lights company in Canada… 🎄

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She will be the first to admit that she has her hands full with me, I’m sure. 🙂

      It’s highly doubtful she’d stand still long enough to let me festoon her with blinking lights. Same goes for the cat. It’s back to Square One at this point.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. As a mellow soul who is also frugal I’m going to remind you that throwing a few strings of lights on some bushes is a perfectly lovely way to rise above the holiday fray while demonstrating a kind of neighborly cool. But you do you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. That she has such a low roof is totally not fair. You reading this, “Kelly?” If that’s even your real name.

    Get gigantic holiday blow up decorations. Who needs lights when you have a 15 foot Santa being flown by equally tall reindeer. Sure, you won’t be able to get into your garage, or your house, but it will be WORTH IT!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha! Unless she’s been lying to us all along, her name really is Kelly. Then again, how much can you really trust gauntlet-throwers?!

      I’m not so sure about the inflatables, though. I recently saw a Facebook post that read, “I love all your inflatable yard decorations!…said no one ever.

      Hate to say it, but there’s truth in them there words…


  5. We’re so bored this year, we might do some driving tours in the tri-county area to see lights. It’s crazy how many people go all out with lights, blowups, and coordinated music. The electric company probably makes most of their money in December.

    Liked by 1 person

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