Mark My Words

I’m sitting outside on Memorial Day, tending to the smoker. “Tending to” pretty much means I’m parked in a chair, cocktail in hand, occasionally adjusting the vents to maintain a 250° target temperature. Low and slow, baby. It ain’t exactly rocket science.

But, it is a little more hands-on than in the past.

So…wanna hear a funny story about what a dummy I am?

Back in 2022, I bought a smoker. I really wanted a Traeger, but those were $$$. Plus, my research told me the charcoal-fueled Weber Smokey Mountain offered a superior cooking experience. It was the trickiest to master but offered the best results. Your classic low floor, high ceiling dealio.

I loved that bullet smoker. Yes, it could be labor-intensive, and cleanup was a chore, but the payoff was delicious smoked meat every time.

But then, a couple of years and one state later, we were walking through Home Depot one day and passed a big display of Traeger pellet smokers. Oh, how they gleamed under those big-box retail fluorescent lights, silver and shiny and alluring. Mark, I heard one whisper. Come play with me. All Traegers were on sale for 25% off, which translated to $200. It made that siren song impossible to resist, so we bought one. Figuring I wouldn’t need the Weber anymore, I turned around and sold it on Facebook Marketplace for $100. An absolute steal. These things last decades and used ones go for 2-3x that price.

That turned out to be an error in judgment, one which I would come to regret deeply.

The Traeger was fine. Electric smokers require almost no work; you plug it in, fill the hopper with pellets, turn it on, and technology does the rest. An app on my phone guided me through the entire cooking process. It was so easy to use, I felt like I was cheating. Mind you, I could have lived with this if the meats I smoked turned out half as good as those cooked on the Weber. But they did not. The pork shoulder was underwhelming. An expensive brisket was tough and chewy. Even my successes–the baby back ribs were pretty good–never truly tasted like they had been smoked. That’s one of the biggest knocks on pellets: they don’t produce as much smoke as hardwood or wood chips. Which is kind of the point of owning a smoker, capiche?

Welp, to make a long story short, I am now the proud owner (once again) of a brand new Weber Smokey Mountain charcoal bullet smoker.

Geez Louise, talk about an expensive lesson. I tried to find a used one on FB Marketplace, was all set to go pick one up as a matter of fact, but the guy turned out to be a flake and I decided I just didn’t want to deal with the hassle, so I drove out to an Ace Hardware in Stoughton on Friday and picked up a new one.

The amount of money I have spent on smokers in the past four years is embarrassing. But the heart wants what the heart wants, and this heart wanted full control over the smoking experience and meat that actually tasted smoked. Screw the phone app and the push-button recipes; there’s a certain satisfaction in fiddling with vents and adding charcoal and wood and topping off the water to maintain the proper temperature.

And no, I’m not selling the Traeger. Lesson learned: I’m going to hold onto it for at least a year. I don’t think I’ll ever long for the ease and convenience of WiFIRE® technology again, but if nothing else, I have proven myself to be one fickle dude. Better safe than sorry.

Bubbling sand? What fresh sorcery is this?

It’s been a very nice holiday weekend. Originally we’d planned to go kayaking on Saturday morning, but it was kind of chilly, so we decided to go hiking instead. This turned out to be a fantastic pivot: Scuppernong Springs Nature Trail, which I had discovered on my birthday, was a big hit with Tara. The weather was close to perfect, and we enjoyed exploring the many interesting features, which include the graffiti-marked ruins of an old sawmill; a field of wild lupine; and bubbling sand.

We were so mesmerized by the bubbling sand, we spent a solid 30 minutes staring at the creek. No big mystery really; it’s just underground spring water bubbling up to the surface. Cool to see though!

After our hike, we headed downtown for a bit of bar-hopping. My favorite stop was the American Legion; the sunshine, light breeze, and 72° temperature made for perfect patio weather. We kicked back and enjoyed the river view while sipping on cocktails.

It doesn’t get any better than that!

Actually, I’m revising my answer. In a few hours, when that succulent smoked pulled pork is nestled between a sesame seed bun, topped with apple slaw and homemade BBQ sauce, and we’re about to take a big ol’ bite. That is just about perfection.