I checked the mail yesterday and saw that Tara had a special delivery.
“Your porno mag’s here!” I told her, and tossed it onto the dining room table. She looked at me askance and then burst out laughing.
Hey, scoff if you will, but there were some nice melons on page 84.
If you don’t believe that plants are a turn-on for the missus, clearly you have not been to our house. They’re everywhere: the living room, bedrooms, office, kitchen, bathrooms. Tara strategically hung three plants over our bed. Right above our pillows, no less. I sometimes have nightmares of philodendrons crashing down on my head while I’m sleeping.
So, even though I am sometimes prone to bouts of exaggeration—shocking, I know!—calling a seed catalog porn is no stretch in this household.
There’s a joke about deflowering in here too, I’m sure. Not gonna touch that one with a ten-foot hose.
Economics was a required course in my senior year of high school. It was a pretty interesting class, especially our semester-long project in which we “bought” stocks from the NYSE and followed their progress over the months. How our portfolio performed helped determine our overall grade. I don’t remember which stocks I chose, but all semester, I led the class.
Right up until the very last day, when somebody else swooped into first place, bumping me to second. I suspect insider trading.
In any case, it was a fun assignment, and taught me quite a bit about personal finance. I remember the rush, watching my stocks rise and fall on a daily basis. Kinda made me feel like the Wolf of Wall Street, minus the hookers and cocaine. I always imagined once I turned into an actual adult, I’d be one who played the stock market.
Only, my financial situation sucked for many years. One doesn’t have the flexibility to dabble in stocks and bonds when one is bouncing checks and barely keeping up with one’s house payments. Damn you, subprime ARM mortgage.
In any case, that’s all water under the bridge. Now that I’m debt-free and making decent bucks, I’m in a position to try my hand at investing. You know where this is leading, right?
Call me Captain Crypto.
I opened a Coinbase account and am investing a small amount into both Bitcoin and Ethereum. $25 each per week in a strategy known as “dollar cost averaging.” I have learned so much these past few weeks! When Tara and I combined our finances into a joint account, I never closed my personal checking account and have a little over $1,000 just sitting there. I am limiting myself to that balance, as it’s money I am comfortable enough losing. I signed into that account for the first time in ages the other day and have been losing $4/month in maintenance fees anyway.
I’m not looking to get rich quick, and in fact, figure my odds of making any money from cryptocurrency are pretty slim. I plan to hold onto it through all the ups and downs though just to see what happens. This will be a long-term investment mostly for fun. Again, without hookers or cocaine.
I currently own 0.000024 of one BTC and that will barely get me a 12 oz. can of Coke.
Mark My Words 
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