You always hear Zoom horror stories, but never think you’re going to be starring in one. I used to believe the same thing.
And then Friday happened.
I was invited to a virtual meeting with colleagues from multi-state agencies. I assumed it was a Teams meeting, as 99% of mine are, until two minutes before it started. No biggie; I clicked JOIN MEETING, and we were off to the races!
…only we weren’t, because I was having audio difficulties. I couldn’t hear a word anyone was saying, so I spent several minutes fumbling around with my settings, clicking on buttons willy-nilly, trying in vain to get my speakers to work. No luck. Exasperated, I swore out loud, “Where the f@ck is my sound?!” Not quietly, either. With conviction.
That’s when the DMs started popping up. You can’t hear us, but we can hear you from several people. A CheeseGov coworker messaged, Please don’t swear!
Quelle horreur!
Panicked, I stabbed at the mute button, silencing my profanity-laced tirade, but the damage had been done. Thank god I had my camera turned off! I was pretty mortified and basically wanted to go crawl into a hole and hide the rest of the day. I apologized profusely to my CheeseGov cohort, but she wasn’t mad; she just wanted to give me a heads up in case more F bombs started raining down.
In the overall scheme of things, this wasn’t a huge deal, I suppose; at least I wasn’t caught with my pants down. “We’ve all done it,” my boss reassured me later, after I preemptively told her about my faux pas in case word got back to her. Pretty sure she was just being nice, because no, we haven’t all sworn on a hot mic, that’s a classic this-could-only-happen-to-Mark thing if ever there were one, but I appreciated the sentiment (and the fact that I kept my job).
I don’t even swear all that much, and never in mixed company. But I do talk to myself a lot. This was just an unfortunate rare moment when the stars aligned to embarrass me.
The worst part of all? The audio difficulties were my own damn fault. Turns out I’d left my headphones on and they were buried in my backpack, as I only use them when I’m working at my CheeseGov cubicle. I switched them off, and voila! Crystal clear sound.
Technology is hard, man.
He’s the Kilt-Wearing Man in the Box
Saturday was one of those days where we found the perfect balance between work and play. We hit up our town’s citywide rummage sale first thing, and yes, we found a few treasures. I hadn’t been yard saling in ages; this used to be a favorite pastime, but we’re usually too busy doing a million other things on weekends (999,999 of them in our backyard) to search for used junk.
Afterward, we killed a few hours working in the backyard (told ya!). I swear, I’m either digging, pulling, or cutting something every weekend. Usually a combination of all three. And y’all wonder why I love winter so much. You can’t pull weeds when there’s half a foot of snow on the ground!
But I persevered, and we promised ourselves we’d spend a chill afternoon at our favorite riverside hangout, enjoying cold drinks and live music as a reward for our hard work. But Island Bar & Grill is notoriously busy, and when we arrived, the parking lot was full and cars were lined up along the shoulder for what looked like a quarter-mile, so we reluctantly ditched that plan.
Thinking fast, I suggested the Anchor Inn, a waterfront pub in Newville, some 15 minutes from home. We’d never been before, but had driven by many times, and the place always looked inviting. Tara was down, so we commenced with Plan B.
This turned out to be a solid backup. Great setting on the Rock River, and it wasn’t nearly as crowded as Island. We grabbed a nice spot outside and were thrilled to see a band setting up on the floating stage. At least Tara won’t flip me off here! I thought to myself.
Oh, foolish Mark…
But hey, my Lion’s Tail #17 Violet Blueberry Sours were mighty tasty, as were the walleye bites. “I love that we live in a place where we can order walleye bites!” my middle-finger-trigger-happy wife said, and I second that.
When the band took the stage, we weren’t sure what to expect. Looking at this dude, what kind of music would you anticipate?
I was thinking something with bagpipes, maybe a Riverdance vibe. We were pleasantly surprised when they busted out a ’90s alternative setlist, playing everything from Alice in Chains, Stone Temple Pilots, and Garbage to Lenny Kravitz, Collective Soul, and Goo Goo Dolls. They made occasional detours into other genres–Bruno Mars, Led Zeppelin, Metallica–and even threw in some originals, all of which were rockin’. The Solution turned out to be one of the better local bands we’ve seen.
We ended up hanging out for about five hours, finally heading home after the sun had set.
Fantastic time, as always. Looks like we’ve found us a new hangout!
An Unwise but Fragrant Morning Walk
Five months out of the year, I’m stuck with morning walks on the treadmill because it’s too damn cold outside. So, when it’s not too damn cold outside, i.e., April-October, I stubbornly avoid the treadmill at all costs. Even when the weather is iffy.
Like last Friday. It was pouring rain and there were a few distant rumbles of thunder, but this didn’t stop me from trekking four miles through the park. Sure, I got drenched, but the rain was very welcome and much-needed, and the lightning was far enough away not to pose a threat.
Today was a different story…
Two minutes after heading out the door at 5:20 a.m., jagged lightning lit up the sky, followed by not-distant thunder. Wisely I turned around, figuring I’d have to bite the bullet and use the treadmill for a change.
But then, probably un-wisely, I turned around again after changing out of, and then back into, my rain gear and hiking shoes, and proceeded as planned. My weather app showed the thunderstorms were moving north, and we appeared to be on the tail end. It looked like we’d be dry in 15 minutes, so I took a chance.
But those storms were awfully slow-moving. It rained on me the entire time, and there was frequent lightning, some of it a little too close for comfort. I stuck to the tree line, avoiding the open fields in the park, and was ready to make a beeline for home if the storms intensified.
You’ll be happy to hear I survived.
There’s something about walking in the rain that I just love. It’s exhilarating; the air smells fresh and fragrant, and the sound of raindrops pattering on the leaves and dripping from the forest canopy is soothing.
The weather this week doesn’t look great. It’s going to be hot and humid, especially on Wednesday, when they’re predicting 90s and dew points in the 70s. Normally I wouldn’t care too much, but wouldn’t you know it, we happen to have a blogger and her family stopping by for a visit that evening. I apologized to her in advance for the weather, but it’s not like I can snap my fingers and make it partly cloudy and 65 degrees.
(I did not mention the severe thunderstorm threat right around the time they’re due at MarTar Manor. I know she’s excited to experience All Things Wisconsin, but I think that means cheese and brandy Old Fashioneds, not Tornado Warnings.)
Have you experienced a Zoom fail? Do you like walking in the rain? Any guesses which blogger is visiting?
Mark My Words 
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