Guac-blocked by the Supreme Dictator.

Thank god it’s May 5.

Not because I love Cinco de Mayo or anything (though I appreciate a taco or margarita as much as the next fella). I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with all that “May the Fourth be With You” Star Wars-themed nonsense anymore.

Apparently, May 4 has been associated with Star Wars since 1979, and we can thank the Brits for that.  

Look, I’ve got nothing against Star Wars. I’ve seen all the movies (and enjoyed most of them). I collected the toys and action figures growing up. Dressed as C-3PO one Halloween.  Hell, I don’t even despise Jar-Jar Binks, which definitely puts me in the minority.

But those memes. They drive me to the brink of insanity.

They were funny once upon a time. Like, the first time I saw one, over a decade ago. I thought it was clever then, but little did I know everybody on social media would beat that dead horse forevermore. The same way they do with Pi Day (March 14, or 3.14) and “It’s Gonna Be May” (May 1). I’m pretty easygoing and can handle a lot of things, but overkill isn’t one of them.

My friend Ashley does not see eye-to-eye with me on this. I made the mistake of telling her on Tuesday how much I was dreading the next day. When she asked why, I made an even bigger mistake by telling her why. This is the woman who showed up for drinks with me and Tara last time wearing a Star Wars hoodie she had sewn herself, so I really should have known better. Naturally, she proceeded to bombard me with “May the Fourth be With You” memes immediately following my confession. Never mind that IT WAS STILL MAY 3.

And then, she said the fun doesn’t stop the next day, because then it’s “Revenge of the Fifth.”

No. That’s where I draw the line. It’s Cinco de Mayo, dammit. I choose to commemorate the anniversary of Mexican General Ignacio Zaragoza’s victory over the French Empire at the Battle of Puebla in 1862 on that date.

And eat tacos.

Which, incidentally, is exactly what we’re doing today with a Cinco de Mayo potluck at CenturyCo. When the signup sheet hit the break room weeks ago, I put myself down for guacamole and chips. A few days later, Anthony — the guy in charge of the whole affair — stopped by my office.

“I see you signed up for guacamole,” he said.
“Yep!” I replied. “Really looking forward to the potluck!”
“Is there any way I could talk you into bringing something else?”
“Err. Why?”
“I was planning on bringing in guacamole myself. I want to do three different versions — a progressive tasting, going from mild to medium to hot.”

Anthony, in case you hadn’t guessed, is a foodie. Worse, he gave himself the title Self-Appointed Supreme Dictator for Life of The Potluck Organizational Committee.

I kid you not. That’s how he signs his emails. When I first started here, I was warned that Anthony takes potlucks very seriously. And the Potluck Organizational Committee might sound like a democracy, but it has a single member: Anthony.

“Unless guacamole is your specialty?” he added.

Guacamole IS my specialty, as a matter of fact. I got my hands on a recipe from a favorite Mexican restaurant years ago, modified it to make it my own, and it became an instant hit with family and friends. It’s one of those dishes I am expected (and happy) to make whenever there’s a party or family gathering. So, I replied to Anthony in the most fitting way I could find.

“Nope!” I said. “I’m happy to bring something else!”

What? Would you argue with the Self-Appointed Supreme Dictator for Life of The Potluck Organizational Committee?

Yeah. I didn’t think so.

After getting guac-blocked, I debated on many possible substitutes. I could do albondigas or pozole. Maybe an enchilada casserole. Spanish rice, perhaps. In the end, I decided on…

…toppings.

Scoff if you will, but those black olives, sliced jalapenos, diced onions, and crema are going to elevate the barbacoa tacos like nobody’s business.

50 thoughts on “Guac-blocked by the Supreme Dictator.”

  2. I HATE those may the fourth be with you memes. It’s MY birthday dammit, and they spoil it. Yes, like you, I enjoy Star Wars as much as the next person, although JarJar Binks – just why?

    Anyhoooo. I, too, would not argue with someone who signs their emails thus. For their lies madness. He’s already there, but you don’t need to join him. Pozole eh? Oh you do Mexican the right way (doffs hat).

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  4. Okay, Anthony is hilarious. I like this guy already. I would kneel at his feet, head bowed, and say, “I will bring whatever you command me, Master.”
    Ashley is also hilarious. I have not been bombarded with memes, so I’ve not experienced this overkill. Perhaps I don’t have dorky enough friends.
    Good of you to give up the guac. And toppings are essential, so.

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  6. I also loathe those stupid memes. I’d not heard of the May 1 meme and was compelled to look up that video; Justin Timberlake was such a baby, and he has curly hair! I’d forgotten about that.

    I think you did the correct thing by bowing out of bringing the Guac; you mustn’t start a war at work.

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  7. Hilarious and entertaining as always. All I can say is WHAT A WEEK! I mean think of all the holidays to talk about in one week. Maybe the whole week is overkill? By the way, loved that line.

    And I don’t mind Jar Jar Binks either and I think your diplomacy with the supreme dictactor was the right move. We don’t want to have to add a May 6th holiday celebrating Peace Restored at CenturyCo day to the week.

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  8. A while back I found out that every day is National SOMETHING day (and more often than note, several sometings share the same day). Tomorrow is National Beverage Day. I know I don’t have to help you with the memes there, have fun inundating her with them 😀

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  10. I hate people like Anthony, I would have been like, well I guess there will be 4 guacamole to choose from. I’ll never forget a potluck Thanksgiving at my job when my wife still worked with me, the organizer Connie as her to bring in two pies (even though Jess only signed up for 1) , my wife is too nice to stand her ground. Connie conveniently forgot to take out one of the pies from the fridge and THEN took it home for herself.

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  11. Omg, I thought I was the only one who hated the Star Wars/4th memes. But I didn’t like the one Star Wars movie I saw decades ago, so there’s that, too.

    Is there a secret to your guac? I like the pineapple or mango ones at restaurants, but I also love my simple one I make that’s just avocados, garlic powder and lime juice. I hate onion in my guacamole.

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  12. In the beginning, I thought Jar-Jar Binks was plain obnoxious and a useless nonsense character. Now I think he’s adorable, treading water in his way in a dangerous and complicated universe. Pot luck. I stay with the string bean casserole. Or chocolate chip cookies.

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  13. I thought those may the fourth be with you memes were funny the first time… maybe the second. But now, just stop. Pi day is a little different because who doesn’t like pie and math? My birthday has turned into insurrection/destroy democracy day so I don’t feel too sorry for Debscarey because hers is Cinco de Mayo.
    I can give you a great recipe for chocolate flan made in a bundt cake pan in case you get aced out on the guac next year too. 🙂

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    1. Oh, no! Your birthday is Jan. 6? I’m always afraid something terrible will happen on my bday that will forever taint that date for most people.

      The chocolate flan sounds amazing!

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  14. Here’s my problem with Star Wars Day, that’s the date of the Kent State Shootings and I feel more inclined to be somber on that day than focus on pretend stories.

    But if we’re talking about made-up social media holidays my favorite is April 25th which is Light Jacket Day / The Perfect Date. It’s from Miss Congeniality, a delightful movie.

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    1. I didn’t realize May 4 was the anniversary of the Kent State shootings. Figures an Ohioan would know that! I agree with you: it should be a somber occasion.

      I saw a few memes on April 25 and chuckled. I don’t mind that one so much.

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  16. My wife makes a mean guac, and I’m not even a fan of avocado. Guess you’ll just have to save yours for the next potluck – unless of course the supreme diva makes it about Jello…

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  17. May 4th is the only day I wear one of my Star Wars tees. I do it for the sole purpose of posting a “May the 4th be with you” pic in order to make my grown sons roll their eyes. I must say it is extremely successful. On May 5th I move on to Cinco de Meowo of course. (You don’t dislike Jar Jar? Seriously?)

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    1. Well, if you’re doing it to bug your kids, that’s a whole ‘nother story. I approve wholeheartedly! Half the point of having kids is to get them to roll their eyes. The more frequently, the better.

      I honestly kind of like Jar-Jar!

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