In the past few days, the kitchen counter in the office where I work has been buried in a mountain of sweets. It started innocently enough, with a few cookies on Monday morning. By Monday afternoon, “a few” became “a lot,” and a pie was thrown into the mix. Tuesday saw the addition of pastries, and on Wednesday, candy appeared: chocolate covered cherries, chocolate covered pretzels, and to really drive home the point, chocolate covered chocolate. My workplace now resembles Willy freakin’ Wonka’s chocolate factory. On steroids.
The company I work for is not unique: every office I’ve been in looks this way in December. The holidays are synonymous with sweets. You just loosen your belt an extra notch and deal with it. Or, you know, ignore the tasty confections.
Ha.
Yesterday I was curious, and started poking around one particularly large basket that was overflowing with treats. It was filled with straw, and when I pushed it aside, this wondrous sight caught my eye.
“Holy crap!” I said. “It’s a pineapple!” Which, in retrospect, was a pretty dumb thing to say as it clearly wasn’t an apple or a pear. And also, I was alone.
Now, when it comes to office treats, the rule is simple: first come, first served. I didn’t even think twice as I strode from the kitchen, clutching the pineapple in my hands and holding it above my head for my coworkers to see. It was reminiscent of that scene in The Lion King where Rafiki is holding up Simba on display.
“It’s mineminemineminemineallmine!!!” I declared gleefully.
I think I was just a little excited to find something that wasn’t chocolate. Had I found a persimmon in a basketful of tangerines, I probably would have been more chill. It’s all about context. And let’s face it, pineapples are a little bit exotic.
As my coworkers looked on in wonder, I explained that because I was born in Hawaii and lived there so many years, the pineapple should be mine by default. “It’s my birthright!” I said. Shades of Simba again.
My logic can be very convoluted sometimes, but all I know is, I walked out of the office yesterday with a ripe, juicy, exotic fruit in my hand. That’s a win any way you slice it.
Speaking of, I think I’ll go for rings.
How chocolatey and sweet is your office this time of year?
Mark My Words 
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