When we bought our house, we inherited a pretty basic refrigerator. White, no frills, smallish. It’s fairly new (manufactured in 2020), which surprised me. When we were fridge shopping in Rapid City around that time, we pretty much had to buy stainless steel because that’s all we could find.
(Side note: we splurged on a set of really nice, brand-new stainless steel kitchen appliances for that house – stove, dishwasher, microwave – but only got to enjoy them for a few months ’cause, you know, we decided we just had to live in Wisconsin. Damn you, America’s Dairyland, for seducing us with your cheese. All that gouda cost us a lot of cheddar.)
Anyway, our fridge. One thing it lacks that I really miss is a water and ice dispenser. I’m a fella who loves things cold, and dealing with ice cube trays sucks. But I told myself I could make the sacrifice for a while because we’re planning on buying a new refrigerator in a few years and moving the old one to the garage, where it’ll get a second lease on life as a beer fridge – the fate of all Midwest refrigerators. The new one would, of course, have a water and ice dispenser. But then Tara had to go and harsh my mellow by informing me that hard water, which we have, contains high levels of calcium and magnesium. Over time, these minerals will clog the water supply lines, restricting flow and reducing performance. It’s likely your fridge will crap out a lot sooner.
“Oh, no!” I wailed. “What will I do?!”
“Get used to warm water?” Tara replied.
Nope. That simply won’t do. I was on the verge of despair, resigned to a future in which I’d be stuck extracting ice cubes from plastic trays until my wrinkly, arthritic hands could no longer perform the feat, which is complicated enough when you’re young(er) and dexterous. But then I remembered that portable ice makers are a thing. Days later, a shiny new FRIGIDAIRE EFIC189-Silver Compact Ice Maker showed up on my front door, which was super creepy and bizarre because I hadn’t ordered one.
J/K. Of course I ordered one.
Guys, this thing is a game-changer! In less than ten minutes, I’ve got enough fresh ice to enjoy a cold beverage. All I have to do is fill the reservoir with water and push a button; the machine does the rest. I spent an embarrassing amount of time staring at it the first time I made ice; the whole process is mesmerizing and high-tech, with levers opening and closing, platforms rising and tilting, bullet cubes dropping into the bucket. I was so damn excited, I ran upstairs to fetch Tara, but she said she had “better things to do with her time” than wander into the basement and stare at a machine.
OK, fine. Maybe I’m just easily amused. But it is pretty slick! Granted, it’s not nearly as efficient as a built-in refrigerator dispenser, but at $84 it’s a hell of a lot more economical…and much easier than trying to dislodge ice cubes from a flimsy tray. This is a compromise I can live with.
Putting the “ope” in Pope
I’m not Catholic so I rarely pay attention to pope culture, but can I just say how thrilled I am that the newly elected pontiff, Pope Leo XIV, is a Midwesterner? Think about it: he’s the first pope to have saved big money at Menard’s!
Naturally, the jokes have been flying fast and furiously. Like, holy water now comes from Lake Michigan. Bread and wine is now cheese and beer. Malort is now part of the communion. Vatican City is getting a Kwik Trip and a Culver’s. Putting ketchup on a brat is now a mortal sin. Charlie Berens and Myles Montplaisir have a whole shtick going.
I’m sure he’ll be busy with official pope business, but I just want to know if he dips his cheese curds in ranch.
Mark My Words 
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