I was waiting for an elevator to whisk me away to freedom yesterday after my work shift ended, alongside another guy who was equally ready to head home. After we stepped onto the elevator and the doors closed, he turned to me and shared a little secret.
“I have a confession to make,” he said. “I like to play a game where I press the elevator button and guess which of the four doors is going to open.”
I literally burst out laughing when he said this. “Oh, you play elevator roulette too!” I replied. “I usually press the button and stand directly in front of the door I think will open, but didn’t want to make a fool of myself in front of you!”
And thus, a strange camaraderie was born.
Honestly, I was just excited to learn I’m not the only one fond of this game. My partner in crime shrugged his shoulders and said, “What else are you going to do while waiting for the elevator?”
Touché, sir. You get me.
Now I’m betting he and I aren’t the only people at CheeseGov who do this. You know how some companies organize softball or bowling teams? I’m thinking about capitalizing on the obvious popularity of this underground sport by forming an elevator roulette league. We can start up teams, choose names, pick out uniforms, the whole nine yards. Maybe even hold a draft each season to vie for the most promising up-and-coming button pushers, those fresh out of college and hoping to turn pro.
I picture two divisions, the Uppers and Downers, and round robin tournament play. There will be playoffs, and eventually, a championship game complete with halftime entertainment – top-tier entertainers like Taylor Swift playing (naturally) elevator music. The winner will be awarded a trophy named the Otis Cup.
Elisha Graves Otis, in case you live under a rock, invented the elevator safety brake in 1853; today, his namesake company is the world’s largest elevator manufacturer.
I’m so excited about all this, guys! From its humble origins atop the sixth floor of CheeseGov, this thrilling new sport has the potential to go international (though if it does, we may end up with a soccer/football situation where the Europeans call it “lift roulette”…but we’ll cross that linguistic bridge when we come to it.)
Maybe, if I’m really reaching for the sky (hell yeah PUN INTENDED!), elevator roulette will even become an Olympic sport someday.
Dare to dream.
My other big project at CheeseGov has been the creation of an official agency Facebook page. Which would have been super exciting news back in 2009!
Further proof that the wheels of government turn slowly. Could be worse, I suppose…
I was shocked to learn we didn’t already have a Facebook page when I started five months ago, as virtually every other state agency in the U.S. comparable to ours has one, and asked my supervisor about that on day one.
“Facebook has been on our wish list for years now,” she replied. “If you want to champion the cause, go for it!”
I’m the guy who just devoted multiple paragraphs to championing the cause for a non-existent sport that involves guessing which random elevator door will open, so psssh. This challenge was nothin’.
My supervisor wasn’t kidding about the long and convoluted history of creating a Facebook page. Committees were formed, meetings were held, but every previous effort dating back to 2016 had stalled for various bureaucratic reasons. Pushback from senior leadership, inadequate manpower, the great TP shortage of 2020 (probably).
In any case, I took to this project like a beaver to a log, researching and strategizing and collaborating and – the coup de grâce – even delivering a presentation to the CheeseGov bigwigs without having a heart attack. I acted all leader-y and shit, which is way out of the norm for a confessed introvert like me, but it paid off. I got the green light, created the page, and we officially launch it on Monday.
Maybe they just needed to hire a skilled manifester to get ‘er done.
The level of enthusiasm over this Facebook page is through the roof, which I find hilarious. CheeseGov is abuzz with excitement; people are acting like Facebook is some shiny new toy rather than 20-year-old technology that many already consider passé. Someone actually suggested we send a press release announcing our new page, but I was able to talk them off the ledge.
(Side note: I have used more diacritical marks in this post than ever before.)
It’s not like we don’t already have a social media presence. We’re on LinkedIn, YouTube, and X. Which all have their merits (except the latter, which is a toxic cesspool– bite me, Elon), but Facebook is the best platform for what we do. Classic case of Better Late Than Never, I suppose.
I think when Monday rolls around I’ll program my DVR for Lost, slap a Livestrong bracelet around my wrist, and listen to Usher’s bangin’ single “Yeah!” on my iPod to really channel the era.
Mark My Words 
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