Like Walking Through a Box of Animal Crackers

I don’t think saying “criminals are stupid” is exactly a hot take. Sure, there are exceptions, but they’re usually confined to the bad guys in Hollywood scripts like Oceans 11 and The Italian Job, the ones who plot intricate heists that nobody in the real world could ever actually pull off. I’ve watched enough true crime to know that 99% of criminals eventually screw up; it’s only a matter of time before they end up in the pokey.

Speaking of: does anybody still call jail “the pokey”? Seems very Prohibition-era to me. I bet flappers ended up in the pokey. Today, it’s just half of a hokey dance. Come to think of it, does anybody still do the hokey-pokey? Is that really what it’s all about?

But I digress.

The point is: criminals are dumb. But none so idiotic as the woman on a recent episode of Dateline. Her husband had been stabbed to death by an intruder, according to her account. There were several security cameras on the property, but they had all been removed by the perpetrator. Investigators were stymied, but eventually realized the video footage had been downloaded to her computer’s hard drive. When they took a look at that, here’s what they found:

There’s our poor bereaved widow, disposing of a bloody kitchen knife in the trash. Moments before, she’d tossed a security camera in there, not realizing it was still recording.

I’m no Einstein, but I’m pretty sure I’d have at least turned the damn camera off before getting rid of the evidence. Besides, everybody knows murder weapons belong in bodies of water, not Hefty bags. That’s Criminology 101.

Talk about getting caught red-handed. When detectives arrested her, she had no choice but to confess to killing her hubby.

If I didn’t believe in Karma before, that pretty much sealed the deal.

With a cold weekend on tap, Tara and I didn’t have a whole lot planned. We decided to take a drive to Delavan, a small town about 30 minutes southeast of Fort Atkinson. Tara had passed through once before and been totally charmed, so we decided it would be a great way to kill a few hours.

The drive there was lovely, past snow-covered fields dotted with barns. Typical Wisconsin.

We hadn’t had anything to eat yet and it was already after noon, so our first stop in Delavan was the Waterfront Pub & Grill. Tara ordered a cider, I got a Bloody Mary, and we shared a plate of cheese curds just as it began to snow fast and furiously. It was one of those days where it was snowing one minute, sunny the next. And never warmer than 24º.

After another round and a leisurely lunch, we drove into downtown Delavan. Here’s a fun little fact about the town: Delavan was once known as “the 19th-Century Circus Capital of the World.” Edmund and Jeremiah Mabie, circus proprietors from New York, fell in love with Delavan during a Midwest tour and, after deciding it was the perfect place for their animals to thrive during the winter months, relocated there.

Hold up. The wind chill yesterday was ZERO. How is that a great place to overwinter? I froze my bazongas off just dashing from the car to the pub. Though, I suppose elephants do have thicker skin. In any case, the Mabie Brothers Circus drew others, and by 1858, no fewer than five major circuses were based in town.

That explains all the circus animals and clowns in downtown Delavan. It felt like walking through a box of animal crackers (which should really be called animal cookies, don’tcha think?).

The town also features a cobblestone brick street and plenty of cool shops. We got lost in a three-story antique store for the better part of an hour at one point. There were plenty of interesting items for sale, but Tara and I were more in awe of the ceilings in this place. The building was very old and in need of a lot of work, but the original architecture was stunning.

On the way home, I had Tara drop me off in downtown Fort Atkinson so I could enjoy a nice walk home. I forgot about those pesky winds and wasn’t appropriately dressed for the bitter cold, but it sure was pretty, walking along the riverfront and then through the cozy neighborhoods.

This little taste of winter has been great! Just enough snow to make it picturesque, but not so much that it impedes travel. It was 10º this morning, but will be warming up into the 40s this week, so the snow will be gone in a couple of days.

For a little while, anyway.

48 thoughts on “Like Walking Through a Box of Animal Crackers”

  1. I agree criminals who know that cameras are in use should probably go to extremes to make sure they are all off. You’d think they’d know better but then again, they are criminals. The shot of the barn sitting in the snowy field is great. I was not shocked to see Beer Cheese Soup available at The Waterfront, but I certainly would give it a go. I suppose animal crackers ARE cookies, but I will have to go to the grave defending the honor of calling them crackers…we have to have at least one tradition left in the world. The picturesque snow…the best kind of snow.

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    2. That woman is even dumber than the average criminal. Some of them are crafty but I wouldn’t call them intelligent. She isn’t either. That looks like a fascinating town! Brrr though. I would definitely need lots of layers there.

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  3. But why did she kill her husband? That’s what I want to know.

    Also, seems like a lot of white collar criminals get away with all kinds of crimes. Then they run for office. A solid chunk of our electorate is then dumb enough to elect them. I’m going with a quarter of our population being stupid, meaning perhaps only a quarter of our population gets caught in criminal acts.

    The pictures are gorgeous. And I would totally opt to walk home, too.

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    1. I don’t remember why she killed her husband. I want to say for the life insurance? This episode aired awhile ago and I actually snapped that pic intending to write a blog post right after, but it kind of got lost on my camera roll.

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  4. It’s funny that you mention Dateline. My husband and I were watching Dateline the other night when we learned about a murder in Wisconsin. It was somewhere near Marathon County… I have no idea where that is, and I’m acting as if you would. The kicker, however, was that Eddie Munster was somehow connected. I think you and Tara should look it up. I believe the title was Dill Farm or something along those lines.

    We’ve gone to Delavan several times for various occasions. I always forget the circus aspect of it. I thoroughly enjoy seeing Wisconsin through the eyes of you and Tara. It has certainly given me a new appreciation for it.

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  5. I love Dateline. I do have to say, one thing I have learned from watching it….leave your cell phone at home when doing something illegal. Not that I would…but it’s always handy to remember such things.

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  6. I never knew prison was called the pokey. I do, however, occasionally do the hokey-pokey with my students, so it’s not totally dead. And if it was dead and I killed it, I surely wouldn’t throw the murder weapon in my kitchen garbage (headslap)!

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  10. Animal Crackers are crackers, not cookies, for the same reason that Graham Crackers are crackers, not cookies ~ it sounds healthier so you can eat more!

    And now that we’ve sorted that out, I’d like a steamy hot bowl of beer cheese soup.

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  11. Recording yourself disposing of the murder weapon is priceless. You can’t script that kind of stupid.
    A town of life size animal crackers sounds like a winner to me. Who knew Wisconsin was so much fun?

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  12. That’s a killer oversight by the murderous wife! Pretty funny – for everyone except the husband. Karma indeed.

    Very scenic with the snow and those beautiful ceilings. Love seeing the fun you guys get up to in any season!

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  13. The animal statues are fun and those ceilings are gorgeous. But I can do without the snow already. Thursday morning there were all sorts of accidents in our town. I’m in hibernation mode.

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  14. I’m loving Delavan. It looks quirky and charming and just the sort of place to spend an afternoon.

    As for stupid criminals, I have no doubt. I had a friend who worked for the FBI… and the stories she could tell.

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    1. I’d love to chat up somebody from the FBI. I got so much mileage out of conversations with a truck driver friend (pun intended), it would be criminal not to spend a whole day talking to an FBI agent. Again, pun intended.

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  15. So wild about the circuses. I wonder how they did manage to keep those animals warm. We’re in Williams, AZ. One shop with a cool ceiling had a sign on a door: “Bathroom for paying customers only. 100 year old plumbing. Thanks for understanding.”

    Fun that you guys keep finding neat places to visit. Thanks for sharing these bits of Americana with us.

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    1. Love the sign! We saw something similar at a brewery in Ten Sleep, WY earlier this year. It was February, and the sign in the loo cautioned that the pipes were likely frozen, given that there was a foot of snow on the ground.

      What brings you to Williams, AZ?

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      3. I didn’t know Williams was the gateway to the GC until planning this trip, so, to me, yours was a legit question. If you’re on Twitter, I posted a couple pics. I know your an Insta man, but just in case. Ha. “Insta man” Just add water?

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  16. There’s no doubting you’ve moved to a fabulous part of the country. My favourite bit – those amazing ceilings 🙂

    I’ve never seen Dateline but it sounds fascinating & I bet Himself would love the idiocy on display. I shall have to look into whether we can get it in the UK.

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  17. Criminals are dumb, and we have many of them overfilling the Pokey.

    I would never have thought to have animals overwinter in that part of the world either, but what do I know?
    They indeed should be called Animal Cookies, and now I have a hankering to bite the head off of a tiger.

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