I’ve been watching a lot of Shark Tank lately. In case you are unaware, this is a reality television show in which entrepreneurs pitch ideas to a group of well-known billionaire investors in the hopes of landing a business deal. It’s entertaining as hell and highly addictive. Most of the proposals are silly (an alarm clock that awakens you with sizzling bacon, a fart-scented “Man Candle”) or ludicrous – how about that vortex generator that uses the earth’s rotation to create electricity and, in the process, solid gold? – but a few are home runs. Naturally, the allure of a million-dollar business deal has piqued my interest. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, but you know what I like even better?
Independent wealth.
So I have been trying to develop ideas for my own great invention to pitch to the Sharks. After much deliberation, I think I’ve got something. (And no, it’s not my chain of Vietnamese restaurants cleverly named Pho Q or my furniture empire, Sofa King (“Our prices are Sofa King low! Our couches are Sofa King durable!”). Endless tongue-in-cheek advertising possibilities aside, I am aiming for something higher than a sixth-grade maturity level).
Tara and I were discussing Drumsticks recently. The ice cream kind, as opposed to chicken legs. I mentioned how that last little bite – the solid chunk of chocolate in the bottom tip of the cone – is the best part. She wrinkled her nose in disgust, but I knew a thousand happy bites (I used to be fat, remember?) could not have been misleading, so I quizzed a few people.
“Do you like the solid chunk of chocolate in the bottom tip of a Drumstick cone?” I asked a coworker.
“Duh,” she replied. “It’s the only reason to eat one!”
And just like that, I knew I had struck upon a golden idea. Audrey agreed with me. Everybody I asked said the same thing. Sorry, dear! You’re in the minority on this issue. So I decided that my ticket to riches is…drumroll, please…
Drumstick Bites.
It’s kind of like Elaine’s “muffin tops” idea on Seinfeld, only in reverse. We’re using the bottom of the product instead of the top. We’ll slice off the chocolate tips of the cones, package them up (I’m thinking 10 or so per bag), and market them as a decadent summertime treat. It’s so simple, and yet, Sofa King brilliant. I have no doubt it will singlehandedly pay for that winter home in Park City.
I realize Drumstick is a proprietary product and I can’t very well just buy a truckload of ice cream cones and a trusty pair of scissors, but here’s the beauty of my plan: I don’t need to lift a finger. All I’ve gotta do is sell the idea to Nestle, sit back, and rake in the dough. It’s a simple licensing deal. I’m thinking Kevin O’Leary, “Mr. Wonderful” himself, might be the best Shark to help me broker that deal, though he’s a bit prickly (with an emphasis on the first syllable) so I would be happy to work with Robert Herjavec instead. Then again, Mark Cuban’s got mad connections with concession vendors and could get my product into stadiums and arenas nationwide. Hmm…
What do you think, guys? Do you like that solid chunk of chocolate in the bottom tip of a Drumstick cone? You’d love a bag full, wouldn’t you? Should I get to work perfecting my pitch, or start shopping for real estate first?
As they say on the show…are you in?
Mark My Words 
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