My friends and long-time readers probably recall how I ended up in the hospital the day after Thanksgiving, 2011. Tara was visiting from Nevada, so it put a damper on her trip…but also brought us closer together. The gall bladder surgery and six-night stay were hell, but our relationship blossomed.
Guess where I’m writing from, folks?!
That’s right. I’m in that very same hospital, and will be for a few more days. Happy New Year, huh? I have been poked and prodded all night long, every hour on the hour, which of course translates to no sleep. But because I am the type who always looks for the silver lining, I am enjoying this view as I write.
Hey, if you’ve gotta stay in a hospital, you might as well enjoy a room with a view.
Unfortunately, breakfast came next. This is what I got:
To add insult to injury, instead of salt – which might have given the broth a little bit of flavor – they left me with a tiny package of pepper instead. WTF?! Don’t get me wrong; I love pepper, but that broth needed a little sodium in the worst way.
And if you think I’ll be able to pop open a bottle of champagne and watch the ball drop tonight….ha. Fat chance. I’ll be slurping down clear liquids and, with a little bit of luck, Jello while having blood drawn every stinkin’ hour or two. But I am trying to remind myself there are people going through much worse things than this. I follow a couple of bloggers who are dealing with cancer, and I have it so much better than them. So I am thankful for that. Perspective, yo.
You’re probably wanting me to cut to the chase. Before I announced what I was dealing with on Facebook, my extremely witty friends were guessing the diagnosis. Their answers included:
- Bunions, extreme flatulance, prolapsed colon?
- Species reassignment surgery? Chronic explosive diarrhea? A boil on your butt?
- HANGNAIL!
- Ruptured family jewel
- Splinter
- Human werewolf syndrome
- Foreign accent syndrome
- Ken Doll facial reconstruction
- Extreme case of jock itch
- An erection that lasted longer than four hours
Nope, none of those things, my friends – though I am impressed with your creativity. Here’s the real scoop…
About two weeks ago I suddenly became extremely thirsty. I started downing liquids all day long, anything I could get my hands on – water, iced tea, orange juice, Gatorade, milk, etc. Try as I might, I could not slake or quench my thirst. Tara and I were lying in bed one night and I told her I was fantasizing about a lovely, tall glass of orange juice. That’s when I knew something was wrong. My fantasies very rarely involve fruit!
And then, my vision started to suffer. I’ve always had good eyesight, but suddenly – in a matter of days – I couldn’t see worth shit. That’s pretty frightening! And then I stepped on the scale and discovered I was losing several pounds every day. Plus, I was extremely weak and had zero energy. Because I write about medical conditions, I had a few ideas about what might be going on. I went to the doctor, she told me to quit self-diagnosing and ordered a bunch of lab tests. Stupid me waited five days to get them done because I wanted to enjoy the Christmas holidays. Ha! They weren’t exactly enjoyable since I felt like a blind, thirsty slug. Late Monday night, another doctor called and told me I was diabetic. Not just diabetic: insanely diabetic. My blood sugar level was 635; normal is around 100. This just perfectly sums up my attitude: go big or go home.. He told me to call my doctor first thing in the morning and get an appointment. When I called her, she pulled up my lab results and sent me into an absolute panic. “You’re extremely diabetic, your cholesterol is sky high, and your kidneys are operating at 40%. You need to drop everything and go to the ER right away! You could lose your kidneys!!”
I literally said “Oh, shit!” and practically dropped the phone. I called Tara at work and told her she needed to take me to the emergency room immediately because, guess what, I might be dying!
Nobody can ever accuse me of downplaying things.
So we sped to the ER, and when they admitted me my blood sugars had risen to 782. There I go, overachieving again. I was put on an insulin drip and here I am, 24 hours later, my blood sugars much lower but it’s a gradual process to drop them; too fast is a bad thing. Fortunately, my kidneys look fine.
But I’m stuck in the hospital for 3-4 nights. And facing a dramatic lifestyle change. Talk about deja vu. Like last time, Tara has been my rock, helping me through this difficult period. I don’t know what I’d do without her.
I’ll post updates as I receive them. I might even try to convince Tara to join in on the conversation, much as she three years ago.
In the meantime…happy new year!
Ugh.
Mark My Words 
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