Last year, one of my blogging buddies – the estimable (and soon-to-be-wed) Jess Witkins – “introduced” me to a friend of hers on Facebook named Todd Youngman. She thought our senses of humor were similar, and we might get along. Jess and I have read each other a long time now; I think of her as a friend, no less so than any of my “real world” acquaintances. Which is the way of the blogging world, at least in my experience. I happened to marry one of my blogging friends, after all! Because I respect Jess’s opinion, Todd and I did become friends. She was right: he’s a funny guy. In fact, he’s a literal comedian who lives in Rochester. He has performed with comics like Josh Blue, whom I have long admired. I quickly grew to look forward to Todd’s Facebook posts.
One of Todd’s trademarks is posting Photoshopped pictures of himself online. These are really good, too. Case in point:
As you can tell, Todd’s Photoshop skills are quite impressive. He blends himself in seamlessly. Some of the pics are so good, I believe for a split second they’re real. Maybe Todd is like a real-life Forrest Gump, appearing with many popular and historical figures throughout time.
Having seen his Photoshopped pictures, I was inspired to try and create my own. The only problem? I don’t have Photoshop. In my defense, that shit’s expensive! But even if I could afford it, my shots would pale in comparison to his. The fact is, I’m just not good at that stuff. In fact, it’s pretty clear that I am The World’s Worst Photoshopper.
Don’t believe me? The proof is in the slideshow.
I’ll be the first to admit, these are bad. Really bad. I could blame it on the fact that I’m using inferior programs (there’s only so much you can do with Face In Hole), but in honesty, I just think my design skills suck. Maybe I don’t have the patience to carefully trim out the background or seamlessly blend the parts into a cohesive whole. It’s a good thing I’m not on the bomb squad. I’d be like,
Snip the red wire where it intersects with the blue one? I ain’t got time for that…this is close enouBOOM!!
My photography skills aren’t bad, I’m just no good at layering.
Which also explains why I can’t build a decent burrito to save my life.
And yet, I keep trying. Mama didn’t raise no quitters! (She didn’t raise no Photoshopping geniuses either). Try as I might though, I can’t convince my friends I appeared on this year’s Oscars telecast…
Besides, I have bigger fish to fry. Barack’s got me running all over the world with him…
I even once appeared in a now famous post-election photograph celebrating an unexpected voting triumph. I looked on smugly from the comfort of my wheelchair while showing the world the Chicago Daily Tribune got their headline wrong.