Mark My Words

There’s been a lot of talk lately about how yellowjackets have been inescapable in Wisconsin this month. It’s all over the news, and my social media feed is swarming (pun intended) with stories about how aggressive they are this year. Lots of anecdotes about people getting stung and pest control companies unable to keep up with the demand. Apparently, a mild winter and dry spring have resulted in record numbers of the pests…and their population peaks in September.

Tuesday evening, I was sharing all of this with Tara. Not more than five minutes later, we were walking in the backyard, and one of the little bastards stung me.

My first thought: holy crap, something I read online was true!

Does the Universe have a twisted sense of humor or what?! Geez Louise, I know I’m good at manifesting, but this is ridiculous. If I’m going to will something into existence, I’d rather it were a shiny new sports car or a Powerball jackpot, not a freakin’ insect attack. Have you ever been stung by a yellowjacket? Those first few minutes are excruciating. I heard the sucker buzzing around my head, instinctively brushed it away, and it zeroed in on my hand. RUDE.

The pain was immediate and sharp, like I’d been stabbed with a hot knife. An hour later, it had dulled to a persistent throbbing ache. An ice pack helped relieve the pain and swelling. Two days later, it’s merely red and itchy. 0/10, do not recommend, though it could have been worse: at least I’m not allergic like poor ol’ Macauley Culkin in My Girl. Keeling over dead on the spot would have been pretty traumatic…for Tara, but even more so, for me. I’d be so pissed to wake up dead one day.

Before moving to Wisconsin, I can count on zero hands the number of times I’d been stung by a bee, wasp, hornet, or yellowjacket. Now, that’s twice in three summers. Between the disease-carrying mosquitoes and ticks, the venomous flying insects, the poison ivy, the wickedly sharp buckthorn tree, and the crocodiles lurking in the koi pond (not really, but nothing would surprise me at this point), I’m convinced my backyard is trying to kill me.

But not these guys:

All summer long, this pair of fawns have been hangin’ out at MarTar Manor, chilling the day away in our yard. They’ve gotten so used to our presence, they barely bat an eye when they see us. If not for mama, who shows up occasionally to remind them that humans can’t be trusted, they’d probably let us pet them.

Regardless, it’s nice to see a couple of friendly faces back there. Ones without stingers or sharp teeth.

The call center made me blue, blue

I might have (totally did) mentioned that Tara got a new job in my last post. I wasn’t trying to be coy, I swear; I just had to end on a cliffhanger to boost my stats prep dinner.

Anyway, it’s true. And she couldn’t be happier.

For as long as we’ve been living together–first in sin, then the more socially- acceptable-by-1950s-standards-husband-and-wife way–Tara has worked in the banking industry, primarily servicing or processing commercial and/or consumer mortgage loans. As good as she is at what she does (my wife is one of the hardest-working people I know; if you look up dedicated employee in the dictionary, there’s a picture of her face), she has never truly been happy with the work. A lot of it has been customer-facing, and while Tara’s more social than me, being stuck in a phone queue eight hours a day ain’t her idea of a good time.

I totally get it. The worst nine months of my life were the ones where I worked in a call center for a major health insurance carrier whose name includes a primary color (twice), a religious symbol, and a piece of personal armor. I trust that’s vague enough to throw everyone off! The three words I use most often to describe that experience: tedious, depressing, and soul-crushing. Some people enjoy being on the phone all day, I guess. I am not one of them. Neither is Tara.

If I had a nickel for every time she said, “I wish I could just sit in front of a computer, entering data all day without interruptions,” I wouldn’t need to manifest that Powerball jackpot, I could just empty my pockets.

So, when an internal posting for an accounts payable position opened with her current employer (CE henceforth), Tara was all in. It’s a job that involves a whole lot of number crunching, which she weirdly loves. Scrutinizing invoices and balance sheets, authorizing payments and clearing debts…and most crucially, very little customer contact. Knowing this was right up her alley, her supervisor encouraged her to apply.

The only fly in the ointment? Tara has virtually no A/P experience.

But hey, she exchanged vows with a master manifester, so that was just a small technicality as far as I was concerned. I wasn’t surprised when she landed an interview. Pretty much expected the second interview that followed. And when my phone rang a week ago and I saw it was Tara, I knew she was calling from work to tell me she got the job.

She was totally calling me from work to tell me she got the job!

Look, I’m not taking credit for this. Tara aced those interviews on her own and got the job because of her hard work, dedication, and outgoing personality. If anything, she manifested it!

I will happily take credit for rubbing off on her though.

She was so excited, she accepted before the hiring manager had even finished offering her the job. Best of all? The posted salary was a couple of pay grades lower than what she’s currently making, so we were expecting a pay cut, had come to peace with that because you can’t really put a price tag on happiness (though a few million dollars comes close), but in the end, CE matched her salary. There’s a reason they’re consistently voted a Top Employer in Wisconsin! Her first day will be September 28, and while she’ll have to commute to company HQ every day for a month, she’ll be back to her three-days-at-home hybrid schedule once her training is complete.

So, we’ve got two big things to celebrate in Door County this weekend!

Are yellowjackets an issue where you live? Have you ever been stung by an insect or bitten by a crocodile? Celebrating anything big in the near future?