Mark My Words

The first time we visited Appleton, almost exactly two years ago, we made a beeline for Cleo’s Brown Beam Cocktail Lounge—an iconic Christmas-themed bar downtown. Sadly, we were thwarted by a whole bunch o’ leprechauns milling about, unable to find a spot as the place was elbow-to-elbow with rowdy revelers dressed in green.

Luck of the Irish my ass.

Determined not to be foiled again, we planned a post-St. Patty’s Day visit this past Saturday. Mission accomplished.

Walking into Cleo’s (not going to type out the whole name because it’s a mouthful) feels like you’re visiting the North Pole on an acid trip. The place was founded in 1970 by Cleo Brown, who loved the holidays so much, one year she decorated the joint for Christmas and never bothered taking the lights down. Apparently, the original bar was located next door, but Cleo relocated due to issues with her landlord. Locals say today’s decor isn’t nearly as over-the-top as the old spot’s. If this is “understated,” I can’t imagine what the place used to look like!

In addition to thousands of festive, twinkling lights adorning nearly every inch of the walls and ceiling, Cleo’s embraces the Christmas spirit with Santas, snowmen, and a full-size replica of the leg lamp from A Christmas Story. This is a dive bar The Old Man would appreciate.

Walking into Cleo’s feels like you’re visiting the North Pole on an acid trip.

Whenever I visit a restaurant or bar, I like to order their signature dish or beverage. At Cleo’s, that would be a Dirty Snowball cocktail.

The Dirty Snowball is their signature cocktail for a reason: they serve a ton of ’em! More than 13,000 in December 2023 alone. The ingredients are pretty straightforward: 1 part vodka, 2 parts crème de cacao, 2 parts coffee liqueur, and a splash of cream or half-and-half. It’s blended with ice and topped with a cherry, as all festive cocktails are. Think of it as a frozen White Russian. I wasn’t quite ready to commit to a full glass—it sounded a little too sweet for my liking—so I opted for The Cleo’s Trio instead: smaller versions of their three most popular cocktails. In addition to the Dirty Snowball, there was a Brandy Old Fashioned (of course) and a Suffering Bastard, a mix of gin, vodka, lime juice, and Sprite. The cocktail flight cost $22—a reasonable price for sampling their best-sellers.

The Suffering Bastard was very gin-forward and packs a punch; if you aren’t a fan of juniper, you aren’t going to care for this one. I liked it just fine but didn’t find anything truly special about it.

The Legendary Wisconsin Old Fashioned—Christian Brother’s brandy (not the usual Korbel), angostura bitters, simple syrup, and Sprite—was top-notch, with just a hint of spice to tickle the back of your throat. It was one of the best Brandy Old Fashioneds I’ve had, and I’ve tried a lot of them in the 3.5 years we’ve lived in Wisconsin.

But I was most curious about the Dirty Snowball, and one sip confirmed why it’s so beloved: the drink is absolutely delicious, the flavors blending harmoniously; the coffee liqueur and crème de cacao perfectly complement one another. Best of all, it isn’t nearly as sweet as I’d feared. This cocktail is sippable and addictive (and dangerous; it goes down so smoothly, the vodka kinda sneaks up on you). It would be equally refreshing in mid-December and during the dog days of summer.

Their beverage menu expands upon the theme with holiday-inspired cocktails like Jingle Juice (mango and passionfruit rum, orange juice, Sprite), The Grinch (a mint chocolate martini), and a rotating list of seasonal specials, like a Jellybean Martini and a Shamrock Snowball, which I’m guessing was a huge hit with the leprechaun crowd during the St. Patrick’s Day Pub Crawl. There’s an extensive selection of both martinis and mules, as well as featured cocktails like the Spicy Pineapple (Casamigos jalapeño tequila, pineapple juice, lime juice) and Pink Drink (Smirnoff raspberry vodka topped with club soda, Sprite, and a splash of cranberry juice). The latter was Tara’s choice, and I can confirm, it’s quite tasty.

For the less adventurous, there’s a decent-sized beer list with all the usual suspects, plus a handful of seltzers and a page dedicated to mocktails. You would be hard-pressed not to find something to quench your thirst at Cleo’s. What you won’t find is food, but there are plenty of restaurants just a quick stroll away.

The Dirty Snowball is their signature cocktail for a reason: they serve a ton of ’em! More than 13,000 in December 2023 alone.

As far as dive bars go, Cleo’s is a cut above the rest. Yes, it’s crowded and cramped, the noise level can make carrying on a simple conversation difficult, and there’s no table service—but the bartenders are friendly and attentive to patrons trying to squeeze in to place an order. The service was quick and impeccable. Regardless, the ambience is so unique, the drinks so wonderful, this is a must-stop the next time you’re visiting the Fox Cities.

Making the Grade

Today, I’m unveiling my brand-new Cheese Curd Rating Scale. Rankings are based on 1-5 curds; the more curds, the better my experience. Here’s a handy-dandy reference chart.

The Rating

How does Cleo’s Brown Beam Cocktail Lounge rate? Drumroll, please…

A perfect 5/5. Outstanding!

If You Go

Cleo’s Brown Beam Cocktail Lounge
203 W College Ave, Appleton, WI 54911
(920) 739-2288

Hours:
Monday-Thursday: 2 p.m.–12 a.m.
Friday-Saturday: 2 p.m.–2 a.m.
Sunday: CLOSED