I once showed up to a job interview soaking wet.

Luckily, I was the interviewer, not the interviewee. But it was still super awkward, especially since the candidate I was grilling was dressed to the nines. We’re talking three-piece suit, the works. I have never felt so shlubby in my life. And shlubby isn’t even a word, so that’s saying a lot!

I blame my faux pas on two things: failing to check my weather app before I headed out for a walk on my lunch hour (total rookie mistake; I know better!) and the fact that Portlanders look down on anyone who carries an umbrella. Seriously, it’s the nuttiest thing; you’ll actually get made fun of if you whip out an umbrella when it starts to rain, as if staying dry is some cardinal sin to be avoided at all costs.

Probably the best example of the whole “Keep Portland weird” thing yet.

This wasn’t even Portland, but rather Camas, on the Washington side of the Columbia River. But the same rules apply there, so I didn’t even own an umbrella. Stupid peer pressure. A few days after Tara moved in with me, she left the townhouse to check the mail. It was raining, so she grabbed an umbrella. “Put that away!” I hissed. “The neighbors will see you!” She looked at me as though I had lost my marbles and proceeded to the mailbox clutching that umbrella, pointedly ignoring me. She returned a few minutes later perfectly dry, and this was a revelation to me. Soon after, I broke down and bought my very first PNW umbrella. I’m sorry I was ever content to get wet when I could have very easily, you know, not gotten wet.

But I digress.

In any case, I was caught off guard that afternoon by a sudden downpour, and got absolutely drenched in the process. Which is why I walked into the conference room 20 minutes later sopping wet. Hardly my finest moment. To be fair, this was the epitome of a casual workplace; shorts and flip-flops were perfectly acceptable attire, and if employees weren’t congregating around the kegerator, they were playing ping-pong. Be that as it may, I at least tried to make a decent impression when interviewing potential new employees. It’s gotta be hard to take your interviewer seriously when he’s sitting in a puddle.

The worst part of all? We didn’t even hire the guy, so I couldn’t retroactively joke about “that one time I walked into the conference room soaking wet to interview you.” We’d have chuckled knowingly and then grabbed a beer on our way to the ping-pong table, I’m sure.

But hey, at least it makes for a fun blog story all these years later, so: not a total loss.

It’s also a really good segue, because I am part of a three-person interviewing committee at CheeseGov this week. Our internal communications guy was promoted and we need to fill his position unless he wants to keep doing two jobs forever.

(I asked him. He does not want to keep doing two jobs forever. Hence, the interviews.)

I have always enjoyed interviewing people. It’s a lot less stressful being on the other side of the table, asking the questions instead of answering them (I’ve done a lot of that too!). Plus, it’s a nice change of pace from my usual day-to-day schedule. I haven’t interviewed candidates since…well, that rainy day in Camas eight or nine years ago, back when I was too stupid to bother with an umbrella. So, I’ve been looking forward to this week, even though it means more days spent in the office than a typical week since all our interviews are in-person.

I even dressed up nicely and wasn’t soaking wet, so this is progress, guys!

The Great Un-Halloweening

As much as I love Halloween (all those skeletons are a dead giveaway, ha-ha, pun intended), once it’s over, I’m done. Ready to move on. Which is why, first thing Saturday morning, I spent a few hours taking down and packing up all the outdoor decorations. And within 48 hours, all the inside stuff was back in storage too. It’s as if Halloween never happened.

We’re not the only impatient ones though. The next day, Christmas decorations had magically sprouted along my town’s bike path, never mind the fact that the trees are still in autumn mode.

After all that hard work we wanted to kick it, so we headed downtown to check out the inaugural fall festival, a brand new event that doubles as a fundraiser. Cool vibe, complete with live music, food trucks, a beer tent, arts and crafts, and–best of all–a baby cow you could pet! But it was cold, and then it started to rain, so we hightailed it over to our favorite Irish pub. Grabbed a cozy corner table and, whadda ya know, that was a cool vibe too.

Didn’t even need an umbrella to stay dry.


82 responses to “Sorry, I’ll try not to drip all over your resumé.”

  1. Interviewing as a swamp monster? Iconic! 😈💧

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha! Come to think of it, this probably was right around Halloween…

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  2. I’ve been the drowned rat too. Perfectly blue sky and not long later, the rain is pouring on my head. I don’t understand the umbrella thing at all. I’ve lived in WA my whole life and most everyone I know carries and uses umbrellas in the rain. In drizzle we usually just put up our hoods though. I’ve never heard anyone make fun of someone for an umbrella. Maybe we’re nicer in Puyallup? LOL

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s definitely more a Portland thing, though you also don’t many umbrellas in Seattle either. Maybe it’s a West Coast elite thing!

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  3. I’m still stuck on the umbrella thing. Why are they so anti? Did you ever find an explanation? I’m surprised you were able to find an umbrella to buy up there.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. They think umbrellas aren’t very effective because more often than not, the rain that falls is light and drizzly. BUT IT’S STILL WET. Also, I guess when it’s windy, they feel the umbrella doesn’t offer great protection. BUT IT OFFERS MORE PROTECTION THAN NOT USING ONE.

      None of it makes sense. But if you use an umbrella, locals will immediately think you’re a tourist…and probably the worst kind of tourist, a Californian.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ugh, yes, those Californians. Definitely the worst!

        I applaud your use of capital letters here, btw. And I suppose there is a smidge of logic to those umbrella naysayers. Still, I’d probably out myself pretty quickly up there.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oregonians really don’t like Californians. Fortunately, when we moved there from the Bay Area, I had a brand new car and hadn’t even gotten license plates yet. I have never been so thankful for anonymity!

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      3. Which next begs the question: Why do they hate Californians?

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Californians moving up there have more disposable income, so when they buy houses, that drives up the cost of living. I suppose it’s a valid concern.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Right. I’ve heard about Texans disliking Californians for the same reason. If I go to OR, I’ll have to assure people we’re just passing through!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. 🤔 So when I.posted I was looking to be interviewed, your email with questions was at the top of the list. Mister I love to interview people 🙄🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That must be a sign! Of what, I’m not sure. But a sign nonetheless.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So if ya ever wanna feel free 😁

        Liked by 1 person

  5. wow – you packed up the halloween stuff pretty fast – and I think it is too early to have the Xmas stuff out – but I guess some folks just want them up in November

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m the same way with Christmas. The decorations are usually all boxed up by 12/27 at the latest. And I agree: it’s too early to put them up. We wait until the weekend after Thanksgiving.

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  6. your candidate probably figured they didn’t get the job because they weren’t soaked. We were in Portland this spring and it started to rain. Nobody pulled out an umbrella except me. They quickly walked ahead of me-like way ahead of me, but that’s kind of normal because I’m really slow.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha! See?! You embarrassed them by using common sense!

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  7. So you can’t use an umbrella, in Portland… where it rains all the time.
    Sure. That makes perfect sense.
    But more importantly, what place of employment let you wear flip flops and had a kegerator…. and why did you ever leave?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The owners really embrace the whole “work hard, play hard” philosophy. Many a time they conducted all-staff meetings dressed in that exact attire themselves! They also opened a brewery two blocks from the other company, and we would often go there for meetings. It was (still is, I’m sure) a fun, hip place to work, but the open office concept was noisy AF and completely lacking in privacy. Having said that, I totally would’ve stayed if we hadn’t decided to move to South Dakota!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Love being the interviewer, hate being the interviewee. If I had been the other guy, it would have definitely put me at ease. Do you need a towel to dry off? Ha ha! 😂😂😎

    Liked by 2 people

    1. At least I didn’t ask if I could borrow his fancy jacket to dry myself off! Though the look on his face would’ve been precious…

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Honestly, I’m not much of an umbrella person. It wasn’t cool in high school or college and then asan adult, it just seemed like a hassle to carry around, especially after it’s soaking wet. I try to buy coats with hoods!

    Interviewing people is fun! At my previous job, I interviewed all the student assistants (nothing like college kids!) and then my replacement when I was leaving for maternity (never coming back-they knew!). The woman who took my job only lasted 6 weeks, but that’s another story.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. A coat with a hood is great for short distances, but if I’m out walking in the rain for an extended period, an umbrella is really the best way to stay dry the whole time. I agree that they’re a PITA to carry around though…and drying them out when they’re wet takes up space and you end up with puddles on the floor.

      Interviewing for the State of Wisconsin is completely different than any other job. The whole process is very rigidly structured, the questions have to be approved in advance, and you absolutely cannot deviate: all candidates must be asked the same ones. The only leeway? We’re allowed to ask a clarifying question if it’s relevant to something else that was already asked.

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  10. Well, I have a Mary Poppins umbrella with a talking parrot so I never leave home without it. That way, if I get tongue-tied, especially during a job interview, it can do the talking for me. It’s quite sassy. 😀

    I put away my Halloween decor on 11/2. I made quick work of it since it consists of a small ceramic witch, 2 small black cauldrons, and an orange scarf populated with hundreds of black cat silhouettes. All told, the collection fits in a single drawer . . . with room to spare for my Easter decorations.

    I always wait until AFTER Thanksgiving to put up my Christmas decorations which are far more extensive and involved. They reside in a 400 year old Scottish sea trunk when not on display.

    We went to the 50th Annual Micanopy Fall Festival on Saturday with our niece’s family. One highlight for our 4 year old nephew was sniffing homemade soaps with fun names like Monkey Farts. Another highlight watching old time farm equipment churning homemade ice cream.

    Thanks for another fun post, Mark!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree with you: no Christmas decorations until after Thanksgiving! I usually start putting them up on Black Friday (and as with Halloween, they’re all boxed up a couple of days after Christmas is over).

      I’m not sure how one can distinguish a monkey fart from, say, a giraffe fart or a chicken fart. Was it banana scented?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That would make sense. But I would say it was closer to lemon grass. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Only 1 house on our walk yesterday had changed out the autumnal/Halloween stuff for ultra shiny reindeer and a sparkling present. I will put up a small tree but not until after thanksgiving- actually not until Dec.1 when the Santa banner goes on my door.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. We’re in this four-week lull between decorations, as I won’t put up anything Christmas-related until Black Friday at the earliest. Otherwise, I’d be sick of the holiday before December even rolled around.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Even though Canadian Thanksgiving is earlier than the American holiday, I noticed outdoor Christmas decorations popping up too. It’s not lit yet, not plugged in, but I think people are taking advantage of the still mild, dry weather to get the work done. I know what it feels like to attach strings of lights in freezing cold weather (unpleasant!) and will set aside time to get them hung before I feel the need to plug them in. Know what I mean?

    Also…

    I am suddenly desiring a pub night…🍺

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Taking advantage of the weather to decorate makes a lot of sense. One winter in South Dakota, we missed the window…and by the time we were ready to decorate, we found ourselves trudging through foot-deep snow and ice, trying to hang lights. We eventually just gave up.

      Pub nights are the best!

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  13. I learned the secret to a good job interview is to not really want the job. You can be totally honest and not even think about kissing ass or sounding good. My best interview ever was the one where I was offered the job and turned it down. Of course, that doesn’t pay the rent.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very true, and in fact, we were just talking about that yesterday: the more nervous you are, the more you want the job. When I was fresh out of college, I had an interview with an insurance company. Midway through, I knew there was no way in hell I wanted to do that for a living, so when it came time for a multiple-choice test, I purposely flubbed all the answers so I would come across as the least-qualified insurance salesperson ever. No stress, and it obviously worked, as they never called me back!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I’m not an umbrella fan, though I have nothing against them, and if I had to be somewhere to be seen, I’d use one. I think my aversion to them is having taught Pre-k for so many years and we tend to embrace the rain and then when we go inside we have to change everything and many of them go home with other people’s underwear on and one sock, etc., which never bothers most of them (only the parents), so at least you had your own underwear on, so you had that. shlubby can be the perfect word at times, so no worries and here is the dictionary def of shrub:

    noun

    DEROGATORY•INFORMAL

    noun: shlub

    1. talentlessuntidy, or unattractive person.”the poor dumb shlub just didn’t get it”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, so it is a word! Even better. I’m more knowledgeable than I give myself credit for. 🙂

      Going home wearing other people’s underwear sounds like a pretty good Saturday night if you ask me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, yeah, we already knew schlub was a noun; but where you may have broken ground was using schlubby as an adjective.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Well, I think you’ve taken that root word and created a new one out of it, so points for that! And the underwear situation could go either way

        Liked by 2 people

  15. Fun post. I don’t have a lot of experience in Portland. I put up a childcare center at one of your Universities and remember all the decision makers sitting on the floor. Good stuff.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha! For some reason, the floor-sitting doesn’t surprise me in the least.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I didn’t even decorate for Halloween this year. Ella is already asking to get Christmas out. I can’t say I blame her-she’s afraid we won’t decorate for that either. We will. WE WILL.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I at least assume Roger was hanging out with you all? Representing his peeps?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. He’s always hanging around, no matter the season. 🤣

        Liked by 1 person

  17. No one in LA owns an umbrella for the opposite reason of Portland, which makes more sense. I’m mostly about fall decor, but I love Christmas, too. I’d put it up earlier, but the standing rule from the grinch–er, my husband is that no Christmas crap until after his birthday at the end of November.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m not a super early Christmas decorator; nothing goes up inside until after Thanksgiving…but Tara did suggest we put up the outdoor stuff next weekend. Since we’re expecting our first snowfall this weekend, that’s probably wise; you never know how much time you’re going to have!

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I’m not much of an umbrella person, though I suppose that’s probably because we rarely need one in Phoenix. I’m curious if the interviewee ever tells the story of the interviewer who showed up drenched…

    Lots of homes in the neighborhood had Christmas decor before Halloween even arrived and we’re still in the mid-80s… I guess delusional and overly hopeful for cooler weather. 😅

    Liked by 2 people

    1. If he does tell that story, it’s probably along the lines of, “thank god I didn’t end up working for those guys…they were so unprofessional!”

      Sounds like Phoenicians (is that the proper terminology?) overcompensate for the lack of winter weather. Can’t say I blame ’em!

      Liked by 1 person

  19. I’ve heard tales about the no umbrella traditions in both Portland and Seattle. Seems a bit silly to me (it reminds me of high school and being way to cool to do something that, in reality, is quite logical). Since I am both a dreaded Californian and dislike getting drenched in the rain, I’ll be sure to pack my umbrella next time I visit either city. 😎

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yep, I can vouch for the truthfulness (and also the silliness). Make sure you bring an umbrella with a big ol’ “I ❤ California” on it to really get their goat!

      Like

  20. Shlubby is some excellent word-choice. Well done.

    I may have an upcoming interview: if you have time, what’s an essential question I should prepare for? Perhaps one that most people aren’t but should be prepared for?

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    1. Thank you!

      I have a great piece of advice, something that can really separate you from the pack. It’s got nothing to do with preparing for questions, but rather, how you end the interview. When it concludes, tell them, “I want this job.” (Assuming you do, of course!). Hardly anyone says this (none of our seven candidates did), but that’s exactly how I ended my interview with CheeseGov, and the rest is history.

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      1. What a fantastic suggestion! Thank. You. So. Much. Job. Coach. Extraordinaire.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Happy to help! Let me know how it plays out if you do.

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  21. I think Halloween decorations have staying power and you can keep them up until the day after Thanksgiving, but I get why people don’t want to un/re-decorate outside that late in the year. Putting up holiday lights stinks at the best of times, and when it’s 20 degrees and your fingers are numb? That’s not the best of times.
    I’ve assisted my principal in interviewing many candidates over the years. I feel very neutral about the whole process, although when the interviews force me to stay late after school, that neutrality turns to irritation. Glad you like it, though.
    How strange about the “no umbrellas” culture of the PNW. I never knew.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. We compromise: the harvest decor stays up through Thanksgiving, but that’s all inside anyway. Tara suggested we put up our outdoor Christmas decor next weekend (the 15th) for that precise reason: it’s only going to get colder the longer we wait. And with possible snow in the forecast already this weekend, that’s probably a wise idea.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know! My students were telling me today about the possibility of snow! Not yet, please!!

        Liked by 1 person

  22. Nice turnaround on the Halloween decorations! You guys definitely earned a fall festival and an Irish pub.

    Yes, I can relate to the no umbrellas – I’m laughing about Tara taking one to the mailbox. It was raining hard on Halloween this year — and gasp, people even got their umbrellas out presumably just because of the costumes. I had no idea so many Seattleites even had one!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. To be fair, the mailbox was at the front of the townhouse complex, and we were near the back. She would’ve gotten pretty wet, so yeah…I’m glad she grabbed the umbrella!

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Shlubby might not be an actual word, but it sure *should* be. It’s one of those words that just does a great job of sounding like exactly what it means.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It does, huh? Kind of like how “mellifluous” sounds smooth, melodic, and pleasant, which is exactly what it means!

      Liked by 1 person

  24. The thing that always happens to me when reading funny blog posts is they often remind me of something similar. The one I’ll go with was when my wife and I went to New York City for the first time. We took a ferry out to the Statue of Liberty. On the way back, it started pouring. Part of the boat was covered, and like everyone else, we tried to get under. (Think cows crowding together body to body.) We didn’t make it under and proceeded to get drenched. It was more hilarious than anything. We got off the boat and there was a guy selling umbrellas ($20) and plastic sheets with impressions of the statue all over it to slip over our bodies ($2 each). We buy each and walked a couple of hundred yards and saw a store. After going inside to buy a coffee, we spot the EXACT umbrella for $5. So New York, with everybody trying to make a buck.

    We had theatre tickets that night and were going to walk back to our car or hail a cab (pre Uber days) because we had more formal attire in the car. Both of us looked at each other and said, “Screw it. Who cares! It’s not like we’re going to know any of these people.” You should have seen the looks we got walking into the theatre in our T-shirts and casual shorts compared to the guys in tuxes and the women in evening dresses. Who let this riff raff in here? 🤣

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hilarious story, Pete! The umbrella salesman is a true entrepreneur. He probably makes a killing.

      Once upon a time, Tara convinced me it was okay to fetch the free hotel breakfast in my bathrobe because, “It’s not like we’re going to see any of these people again.” Fast-forward an hour, when we were riding the elevator down to check out. Another couple gets on, and they say, “Hey – you’re the guy who was wearing a bathrobe to breakfast!” I was mortified, but Tara predictably found the whole thing hilarious.

      I’m pretty sure she set me up…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha! Midwest “The Bathrobe Guy” Mark.

        Liked by 1 person

  25. As a long time Portlander, I’ve never felt any shame using an umbrella. I mean, it’s either an umbrella, full rain gear, hope for nothing more than light drizzle, or get soggy. Seems like an umbrella is the simplest and most logical answer, unless you need three hands to use it.

    It also beats commuting on a bicycle in the rain, eating tire spray from traffic, and getting tail whipped from water coming off your own rear tire. Plenty of Portlanders do that too. “Logical” and “human” don’t seem to go together all that well.

    But that’s not just a Portland thing.

    I mean, by some accounts, we’ve burned to the ground countless time in the last few years. But if you look around, maybe we should be called Phoenix. Everything’s still here and not an ash in sight. Who are the “weird” ones?

    Oh, wait! Maybe there is an ash in sight…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I was hoping you’d weigh in, Dave! Glad you’re not ashamed of using an umbrella. I wouldn’t want to get wet walking around that “hellscape” that is the Rose City!

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  26. Christmas is upon us….not quite ready

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    1. Judging by the constant holiday-themed commercials I’m seeing all of a sudden, I’d say you are correct.

      Liked by 1 person

  27. I am not an umbrella fan, but I do wear raincoats with hoods. The other day I got caught with indoors with all my coats and my pocket brolly in the car, having relied on my Dad’s old big golf umbrella in the house – until Himself broke it. I got very wet… but I wasn’t going to an interview, so it was fine!

    I am disturbed by the Christmas decorations being put out. I love Christmas, but even I hold back (mostly because my daughter’s birthday is in early December and I wasn’t going to let anything rain on her parade). I know some town centres and shops start to decorate early, but I do think there should be a ban on it until December starts. I am buying Christmas magazines to browse for ideas… but that’s all I’ll allow myself.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Brolly? Is that slang for “umbrella”? It’s been a minute since I’ve asked you to translate British English into American English!

      Our town now has all those Christmas displays lit up. I agree with you: it’s too early!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah, that slipped out without my picking it up and either editing or explaining. You are correct, brolly is slang for umbrella. I just checked the etymology of it and apparently it dates back to the 1870s when it was used in this way at the colleges of Oxford & Cambridge universities.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I can always count on you for an interesting vocabulary lesson!

        Liked by 1 person

  28. I’m the same way about Christmas. I love my Christmas decorations, but they are coming down on the 26th!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Holiday fatigue is a real thing.

      Liked by 1 person

  29. […] three days at CheeseGov HQ interviewing candidates for our open comms position (we picked one, yay!), I finally got to work from home again today. It […]

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  30. I’m with you on decorations. Once it’s over, it’s over. I am the absolute worst at interviewing candidates, although I’ve only had to do it a few times. But I never did it looking like a drowned rat. Rest assured, the interview was joked about later, but you were not there!

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    1. Ha! I wouldn’t be surprised if he still brings it up from time to time, all these years later.

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  31. Yeah, I live in Seattle and rarely use an umbrella although my wife does. I always wear a baseball cap and umbrellas can be a nuisance. Being wet does not bother me that much. I love swimming and I’m just going to shower after a run anyway. But if it starts pouring, I do try to head for sheltered outdoor basketball courts or picnic areas. They are as important to me as knowing where public restrooms are on my routes!

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    1. Or if no public restrooms, the closest stand of trees!

      Liked by 1 person

  32. Kegerator? It’s always windy here so an umbrella is a battle – better to get a waterproof hat (like me) and it gives one an elegant air too

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A kegerator is essentially a refrigerator with a beer keg inside. I’ve never really been into beer, so it wasn’t a perk I ever took advantage of – but many (most) did!

      Like

  33. There are many weeks, even if the sun is shining that I do not depart my vehicle without an umbrella because Florida is famous for Out Of Nowhere downpours. This girl likes her hair like her personality: DRY.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha! Smart woman. My dad’s favorite saying is, better to have and not need than to need and not have. Your umbrella is a great example.

      Liked by 2 people

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