If I were a country singer, I’d totally write a song called, “I Done Been Wronged.”
You’ll recall Facebook notified me one week ago that my account had been suspended for violating their Community Standards on Cybersecurity. No other explanation provided. I knew it had to be bullshit, and I was right.
Wednesday, I met with my boss, letting her know my ability to do my job was in jeopardy. After explaining the situation, we did some digging, and figured out what happened: a post I had shared from the IRS, providing helpful security tips to taxpayers so they wouldn’t fall victim to online scams, was removed from CheeseGov’s Facebook page. And because I was the author (you can only set up a business page through a personal account, which is stupid), my account was removed. Sixteen years’ worth of memories, gone in one fell swoop, thanks to a completely innocuous work-related post that CG senior leadership asked me to share.
Needless to say, I was pissed. Why Facebook’s bots flagged that post is a complete mystery: I was not trying to gain access to someone’s accounts or data, wasn’t encouraging someone to give away their password and user name, and certainly wasn’t using phishing tactics to get someone’s login information – the offenses outlined in their Community Standards. The post contained the word “phishing,” which is the only explanation that makes even a little bit of sense. Trust me, the only phishing I’m doing involves casting a baited hook in the Rock River and hoping to reel in a walleye.
The biggest irony of all? My post linked to an IRS page on how to protect yourself from cybersecurity threats.
If that doesn’t merit a full-on country ditty, I don’t know what does. Throw in a few lines about me reaching the bottom of the whiskey bottle because my pickup broke down and my wife stepped out on me and the catfish ain’t bitin’, and I’ve got a #1 hit on my hands here.
Things did not look promising. I found many horror stories on Reddit from people in similar situations whose accounts were permanently deleted. The appeals process, which involves uploading a selfie and verifying your phone number, rarely works: you do not get to plead your case, probably because it’s all machine-driven; there is no way to contact a human being for support. A lot of people – the majority of Reddit posters, actually – had their accounts removed forever after 180 days with no further explanation.
And you wonder why I despise AI…
To their credit, the higher-ups at CheeseGov were mortified that I might lose my personal account because of a valid work-related post, and they pulled out all the stops. They didn’t even care about CheeseGov’s Facebook page; they just wanted to save mine! The department Secretary got involved. Our legal team was looped in. And thanks to one of our lobbyists, who reached out to his personal contact at Facebook, my account was restored this morning. With a sincere and heartfelt apology from Meta for the screwup.
HAHAHAHAHA. I can’t even type that last part with a straight face. There was nothing from ol’ Zuck, not even a notification that my account was reactivated. I just pulled up the site, hit refresh, and there it was.
In any case, hallelujah! It pays to have friends in high places, huh? This is the rare country song with a happy ending. I guess I found a new spark plug for the pickup and a brand new, unopened bottle of whiskey in the pantry, and it wasn’t my wife cheating on me, just someone with a passing resemblance boinking my best friend, and I caught a giant-ass catfish.
Still, the whole thing leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. Knowing that I could lose years’ worth of photos and memories, not to mention contact with many friends and family members, who are all scattered near and far, because of what is essentially a glitch in the matrix is unnerving. If not for CheeseGov’s intervention, I doubt I would have ever gotten my account back.
As a result, we’re developing a new process for CheeseGov Facebook posts that won’t involve using our personal accounts. ‘Nuff said for now.
And I don’t dare crosspost this Facebook-ranting blog entry to Facebook, as I normally would, ’cause that’s just playing with fire.
Not Feeling Blue About this Decision
OK, I know a majority of you were Team Red (err…Team Brick Dust, to be exact). But after slapping a coat of Bayberry Blue on the wall, Tara conceded that my instincts were correct. It looks fantastic!
Keep in mind this is a work in progress. We (she; I’ve been banned from painting; don’t ask me why) need to add a second coat of paint, replace the outlet fixtures, hang up all the knickknacks we took down, swap out the white appliances for stainless steel, yadda yadda. Consider this a sneak preview.
Tell me that doesn’t look great!
(Don’t you dare, actually. Because it does. We’re lovin’ it.)
The new appliances (refrigerator, range, and microwave oven) arrive on Monday. We were actually surprised by this; when we bought the same stuff in Rapid City in 2021, it took weeks, thanks to COVID-related supply chain shortages. No such delays this time around, even with the U.S. being all tariff-happy. Frigidaire is actually Swedish-owned but has manufacturing facilities in the states, so maybe that explains the speedy turnaround.
Which means we’ll be busy finishing up the kitchen this weekend. Stripping the wallpaper was the time-consuming part, but fortunately, it came off pretty easily – as did the cabinet above the fridge; we never would have thought of this if we hadn’t discovered in Rapid City that our new refrigerator was too tall to fit beneath that cabinet. Back then we hired a contractor to remove it, but after watching him take it down, we figured we could do it ourselves next time, not that we thought there would be a next time. Certainly not so soon anyway.
The rest of the painting, and putting everything back in place, shouldn’t take more than a few hours tops.
By the way, about that Tara-imposed painting ban: Can I just say I am not the one who dropped a half-full can of white paint, satin finish, on the floor, splashing it all over the bottom of the cabinets and creating a huge puddle in the middle of the kitchen? And yet, she doesn’t want me to pick up a brush because I’m “not as thorough”?! The nerve! Thankfully, and somewhat miraculously, she was able to clean it all up with virtually no permanent evidence of this faux pas.
(Tara says I am forever portraying her in a positive light on my blog, which she claims isn’t always deserved, so I’m just tryin’ to level the playing field here, per her wishes.)
Ahem. Anyway…
We would also like to hang out at our favorite tiki bar on the river for their Saturday afternoon live music, but – and I can’t believe I’m typing this – the weather might be too cold. Dude, it was 41° yesterday, and only expected to reach the low 60s this weekend. I had to wear a hoodie and gloves on my Thursday morning walk. It might be okay if there’s no wind, but we’ll have to play that one by ear. We’re rapidly running out of summer though.
By the way, I read that 45° is a magic number: temperatures that low are supposed to kill mosquitoes. I guess the ones in our backyard didn’t get the memo ’cause they were still buzzing around yesterday, but maybe after a few more cold nights, they’ll give up the ghost.
Mark My Words 
Leave a reply to Midwest Mark Cancel reply