The funny thing about blogging for 15 years: sometimes, you forget that you’ve already written about a certain topic.
Like, for instance, burner knobs.
After y’all voted for that topic, I drafted a post talking about how I suffer from diagram dyslexia, because I am forever turning on the wrong burner, a mistake I often don’t catch until 10 or 15 minutes later. It’s a mental block I can’t seem to shake.
Imagine my surprise when I went to add a hyperlink…and discovered I’d already blogged about wrong burner knobs a long time ago. Way back in 2015, to be exact. The best part of all? A few sections of the new post were worded almost identically to the nearly-ten-year-old post.
Apparently, I’m going to be stuck in this Wrong Burner Loop forever.
Rather than duplicate my efforts, if you want to read about wrong burner knobs, here’s my original post on the topic. Only one of you (hi, Bijoux!) read it back then, so it’ll be new for most of you.
In professional sports, if your starter can’t play, you send in a backup. Suit up, No Soup for You! This is a topic that got a bunch of votes, just not quite enough to make the top three. I was rooting for this one all along, if for no other reason than the title. I’m a huge Seinfeld fan, and “No soup for you!” remains a favorite catchphrase.
So, let’s ladle up a big ol’ scoop, shall we?
(Don’t worry; I double-checked to make sure I haven’t already written about this one before. We’re good.)
I hate when established companies change their names…unless, of course, they have a really good reason. The Wisconsin Tourism Federation changed their name to The Tourism Federation of Wisconsin in 2009. Here’s the best part: they changed their name because bloggers kept making fun of the acronym. Power to the people, amirite?! Once texting took off, WTF took on a whole new meaning…one that has nothing to do with cheese. TFW isn’t nearly as snicker-worthy.
Don’t worry; your eyesight is fine – this one blurry image is the best I could find. Apparently, the Tourism Federation of Wisconsin wanted to hide all traces of its embarrassing past. WTF!
Kentucky Fried Chicken is the one that bugs me most though. They changed their name to KFC in 1991 because (they claim) it rolls off the tongue better, and they wanted to avoid being associated with the word “fried” so as not to turn off health-conscious consumers.
Did they really believe ditching one word would fool people into thinking they serve healthy food?! Everyone knows that classic red-and-white bucket is going to be full of crispy, greasy thighs, drumsticks, breasts, and wings. The Colonel is probably rolling over in his grave.
(I wonder if they buried him in that classic white suit and string tie…)
There’s more to the story, though. Apparently, KFC ran into legal issues when the state of Kentucky trademarked their name in 1990, stipulating that any business using the state in its name would be subject to licensing fees. I had no idea you could do this. I guess Kentucky, hardly a tourist hotbed, needs as much revenue as it can get.
How strict are they? Like, does K-Y Jelly pay a fee? The whole thing feels petty. It’ll always be Kentucky Fried Chicken to me.
You don’t have to pay a licensing fee to use the word “pizza” in your name, so what’s Domino’s excuse? They shortened their name in 2012 to reflect more diverse menu choices like chicken wings, breadsticks, salad, and pasta. Fine, but Pizza Hut serves all the same things, and they’re not calling themselves Hut.
Dunkin’ Donuts adopted a similar strategy in 2019 when they dropped the second half of their name to better reflect their focus on beverages and go head-to-head against Starbucks. Sacrilege! There’s no shame in wanting to knock the mermaid off her pedestal, but it’s a stupid name. Dunkin’ without Donuts is just a basketball move.
They could have just borrowed a page from KFC and gone with DD instead, but then everyone would be snickering over double Ds. The bra-rista jokes would write themselves!
The latest brand to jump aboard the less is more train is Campbell’s Soup (officially The Campbell Soup Company). After 155 years, they shortened their name last November (barely) to The Campbell’s Company. Again, the words “better reflect” were used…in this case, to emphasize their non-soup snack brands, like Goldfish crackers, Pepperidge Farm, and V8. Andy Warhol would be pissed.
I’m not sure why these name changes bother me so much. I haven’t visited a KFC or Domino’s in years. I do frequent Dunkin’, but the local franchise here in town still has Donuts on their sign, which makes me happy.
And yet, here’s the ultimate irony: I never order donuts from Dunkin’.
Maybe these brands are onto something after all…
Mark My Words 
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