People often talk about how old they feel when their kids reach certain milestone ages. Being a dad myself, I get that…but learning the Foreman Grill turned 30 this month made me feel downright ancient.
I’ve owned a Foreman Grill for as long as I can remember. And I still use it at least once a week. Turns out I’m not alone; much like its namesake boxer, it’s still going strong several decades into a storied career — and regularly knocking out the competition. Amazon sells more Foreman Grills than Ninja, Cuisinart, and even Weber. I guess that makes it the reigning champion of the kitchen appliance world!
I love everything about the Foreman Grill. The sleek design, the rugged construction, the ease of cleanup, and (especially) the versatility. It’s perfect for making toasted sandwiches and wraps, and cooking everything from hot dogs to frozen burger patties. I even used it to grill a steak once.
When I worked at Ye Olde Medical Consulting Firm in Camas, WA — or whatever clever fictional name I gave them (clearly not as memorable as CheeseGov or TobacCo) — an employee donated a Foreman Grill to the office kitchen. If you wanted to use it (as I did, often), you had to plan on eating an early lunch or resigning yourself to a long wait. It may not have been as popular as the kegerator or the ping pong table, but it was close!
(Ye Olde Medical Consulting Firm was very hip and modern.)
Actually, at one time, I had two Foreman Grills. The apartment complex in Vancouver where Tara and I lived didn’t allow charcoal or propane grills, but there were no restrictions on electric ones, so I bought this bad boy.
The first thing I cooked on it? A Spamburger. Jealous, Rivergirl?
Fun fact: in the late ’90s, George Foreman was earning $4M a month in royalties, just for lending his name to the grill. I figure, the way I’m lavishing praise on the contraption here, somebody could at least cut me a check. No need to be greedy here; I’d settle for a one-time payout of a few hundred thousand dollars.
George Foreman Grill people, are you listening?
One of my work teammates had the nerve to edit an exclamation point out of my writing this week. Blasphemy! I love exclamation points. The more, the merrier!! They’re almost as good as interrobangs, don’t’cha think?!
Here’s the deal. We are allotted four hours of training each month on a variety of topics. Scott, our videographer, collects testimonials from employees and shares them with the department. He asked me for one, and I was happy to oblige. I said:
I’m primarily a Mac user, so this course was a great way to familiarize myself with some basic Windows features to improve productivity!
“I dropped the exclamation point,” he replied. “How about something like this?”
I’m primarily a Mac user, so this course was a great way to familiarize myself with some basic Windows features to improve productivity.
Look, I’m a positive guy. Optimism courses through my veins. I can’t help it! I naturally write (and speak) like this! I guess some people think overusing exclamation points is unprofessional or insincere, but dammit, I don’t have an insincere bone in my body! This unbridled zest for life is all natural, baby!
To me, the revised version doesn’t adequately convey the appropriate level of enthusiasm I felt upon completing my 35-minute Brain Bites Windows 11 Essentials training course. I come across as dull and dispassionate. Sadly, that quote is going to appear next to my face, and the testimonial will be shared on the giant ass video monitors next to the elevators. I’m sure I’ll innocently be riding the elevator one of these days and some stranger from another department is going to recognize me.
“Hey, you’re the guy on the video monitor!” he/she will say. “Too bad you weren’t more enthusiastic about that Windows training course.”
(As an aside, I hate riding elevators. Earlier this week, I was riding from the lobby to the sixth floor. The elevator stopped on the third floor, and a young woman got on. No big deal…until she pressed the button for the fourth floor. Are you freakin’ kidding me?! Anybody can walk up one flight of stairs! Even with an artificial leg. That’s basic elevator etiquette.)
I should have told Scott to stay in his lane. I’m the writer; don’t mess with my punctuation marks! I have never once told him the wipes on his sizzle reel are too jarring and would benefit more from a cross dissolve than a vertical transition. I assume he’s more skilled in the technical nuances of video than me!
And then, driving to work literally the next day, I was listening to a podcast. They were giving one of the guests a hard time about his punctuation mark usage (weird podcast topic, I know), and he would have none of that. “Exclamation points are the new period,” he said. “And double exclamation points are the new exclamation point!”
Touché, my friend! Touché!!
Do you own a Foreman Grill? If so, how often do you use it, and what do you like to cook on it? If a person is physically capable, should they walk up one flight of stairs to avoid hijacking the elevator? How do you feel about exclamation points?
Mark My Words 
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