I was innocently reading a book in my recliner a few days ago, glanced over, and had an intense but brief freak-out.
Damned if that doesn’t look like a giant six-legged spider, huh? Geez Louise, if I didn’t have arachnophobia before, that almost did the trick! Alas, it’s just the lightbulb and lampshade fixtures. We haven’t seen much sun lately — it’s been cloudy for something like 42 out of the past 50 days — so I’d forgotten all about shadows and tricks of the light and whatnot. But the sun came out this week, and the temperature soared to the mid-50s, and that insane amount of snow that piled up a little less than a month ago has all but melted away, save for a few rapidly-diminishing spots.
I suspect even that little bit will be gone by morning. At this rate, I may be busting out the John Deere in a few weeks. Which, if you know me at all, wouldn’t suck! Then again, the 10-day forecast has highs back down below freezing by the end of next week, so I’m not ready to stick a fork in winter just yet.
It’s coming up on two years since I discovered I married a crazy woman. Well, I had an inkling long before that, but it wasn’t until I saw Tara putting on footwear in an incomprehensibly bizarre fashion that I truly knew. My wife, in case you don’t recall, goes sock-shoe-sock-shoe while pretty much every other person on the planet opts for the far more sensible sock-sock-shoe-shoe order. That blog post, by the way, is one of my most popular ever. If blog posts were songs, that one would be the lead track on my greatest hits album, the one legions of screaming fans would demand I perform as an encore during a concert and rush the stage in anger if I skipped it.
Weird analogy, but you get it, right? Some topics just resonate. It’s why people still, to this day, send me candy corn memes and flamingo-related anything on the regular.
And why Autumn Ashbough tagged me on Threads the other day with this little gem:
It’s not even close, is it? Not that I needed the validation. Y’all backed me up in 2022, and in fact, the only person who sided with Tara was her aunt Patty, who said, “it must be a [last-name-of-family] thing.” She’s probably right. Apples never fall far from trees.
I did show that to Tara, btw. And she laughed. But she still does the sock-shoe-sock-shoe thing. This is why prison reform never works. You are who you are.
My all-time top post, by the way? It’s the one about my love for dad jokes. It’s not even close: that post has been viewed 2,197 times — waaay ahead of the runner-up, a post about a giant hamburger statue that has racked up 1,306 views. Everything else is in the triple digits.
Stats, man. I love ’em.
This probably explains why so many people share bad puns with me! Though oddly enough, nobody ever asks me if I’m in the mood for a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
(The answer would be no anyway. The only time I ever stop by McDonald’s is for a Sausage McMuffin when we’re headed out on a road trip early. Otherwise, I am Team Culver’s, baby. Butterburgers FTW!).
Are you afraid of insects? Got any snow left in your yard? What’s your most popular blog post?
Mark My Words 
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