A Francisco Clause

The Tape Face show on Friday night turned out to be lots of fun. Well, fun in retrospect, because throughout the performance I was paranoid I was going to be yanked onstage and humiliated, like the poor fella who had to face off with the comedian in a light saber duel involving a limp tape measure and loads of sexual innuendo, or the dude who had to wear a toilet seat around his neck, or the trio forced to learn an impromptu disco dance. Every time T.F. leapt from the stage and raced down the aisles I scrunched down into my seat, making myself as small as possible, and patently avoided eye contact. Meanwhile, people were waving their arms all around me, gesticulating wildly to get his attention, practically shouting Pick me! Pick me! while I was trying to blend chameleon-like into my surroundings. What a bunch of weirdos.

Buuut, tension aside, he really is a clever guy, and his act is very original. He’s got boxes full of props, and can convey about a thousand different emotions purely on his body language and facial expressions. It was a very enjoyable show and I would see him again in a heartbeat. Preferably seated from the balcony, of course.

Saturday we met up with our friend Kara to check out the Portland Night Market. This is a quarterly event that showcases the many unique and diverse businesses that call Portland home, and blends food, culture, music, drinks and retail together for an adventurous evening in the Industrial District.

Those are totally not my words BTW.

We had never been before, and it was a blast. There were more than 175 vendors, food and drinks and crafts and art, housed inside an old warehouse, with an outdoor section that featured food carts. Fortunately, this area was protected by a tent, keeping us dry from the heavy rain (and thunder and lightning!). We browsed and people watched and enjoyed free samples and cocktails and some delicious food – in other words, all my favorite pastimes. We had a great time and will definitely be going again. It’s coming back September 29-30, and we’ll be ready.

Happenin’ scene at the Portland Night Market.
Thankful for the tent.

Audrey got back from Disneyland on Tuesday. She had a great time, and was super excited because Heidi Klum walked right past her. But now she’s talking about moving to California because it doesn’t rain all the freaking time, a new plan that directly contrasts with her desire to live in Seattle when she graduates, where it most certainly does rain all the time. All I can say is, teenagers are fickle creatures. And I would a million times rather live in Seattle than Los freakin’ Angeles, but that’s just me.

Actually, I’ve found I can determine potential places to live based on their names. For instance, I am opposed to any city that starts with either Los or Las. I don’t care much for anything beginning with San, either (though there is a Francisco clause). Pretty handy formula, huh? But things get murkier when it comes to choosing a state. Because I would totally move to South Dakota but have no desire to live in North Dakota, yet I’d pick North Carolina over South Carolina in a heartbeat. So much for rules of thumb.

There are a few other personal preferences I’ve compiled into a handy list:

  • States that end with the letter n are an automatic yes.
  • States that end with the letter i are an automatic no.
  • The higher the ratio of vowels to consonants, the less likely I am to want to live there.
  • No News isn’t good news, as I find those states that begin with New appealing.
  • I don’t think I could live in a state with a panhandle, but if I lived in Idaho, I’d only want to live in the panhandle.
  • Generally speaking, I prefer rectangular-shaped states.
  • The more lakes a state has, the better. The more swamps a state has, the worse.
  • Ocean access is good, as long as the mean water temperature is lower than 68 degrees.

I’m not the only one who spends this much time obsessing over geography, right?!

16 thoughts on “A Francisco Clause

  1. I’ve never met someone who has given it that much thought! I’m just more interested in proximity to the equator, which I consider a good thing.


  2. Mark, I’m glad to hear you enjoyed the show and that you were NOT picked to participate….whew!

    Love the inside of the Portland Night Market…and how cool that it was inside an old warehouse…what a cool atmosphere! Your food pics look yummy! And speaking of rain, we’ve had a ton rainfall over the past several weeks. A few days ago, the sun finally showed its face. However, the temps went from the 50’s to the 90’s overnight. Today it was 93 degrees!!!!! OMG….HATE it!

    I’ve been in to Los Angeles briefly, and I have to agree with you….I was not feeling it 😦 I would much prefer the vibe of Seattle. I need to visit more of the west coast because it’s been a long time since I’ve been.


    1. I hope your heat and humidity die down and you get some relief, Ron. It’s about to hit 90 here for the first time this year. If you think I’m ready for that, think again. Fortunately, our heatwaves are usually short-lived, and this one promises to last only a couple of days. Thankfully!


  3. I am going to chalk up your Carolina preference to my amazing salesmanship skills. Then again it is really hard to compete with mountains and ocean, barbecue wars, a random giant chair on the side of the highway (yes that’s a thing), roads that change names five times without every changing direction (and in some cases intersect themselves), and especially, pirates (that is, the historic and highly romanticized kind).

    Your Night Market does look neat.


    1. Is it weird that the part that interests me most is this giant highway chair? I’m a sucker for “attractions” like that. I mean, I’m the guy who had a blast visiting the Spam Museum in Minnesota, so this really shouldn’t come as a surprise.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha. I have a friend who spent some time there and always talked about the guinea pig. In this case though, it was actually a pork belly sandwich. Tamed down for the American appetite, no doubt. (I wouldn’t mind if it had been guinea pig. I’ll try anything.)

      Liked by 1 person

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