It has been cold AF here lately.
If you don’t know the meaning of AF, you’re not hip to the lingo. (The fact that I used the phrase “hip to the lingo” probably indicates that I am not hip to the lingo, either. Oh, well.) AF simply means “as f**k.” I’m sure you can fill in the blanks.
However, in this case, I actually mean it’s been cold As Fargo. You know, the city in North Dakota where people talk funny, own a lot of wood chippers, and slog their way through notoriously cold winters.
Actually, on second thought, it’s been cold AFF here lately. Cold As F**king Fargo.
Normally, I love winter. But I’m beginning to suspect I love it more in theory, because when you step outside and the temperature is hovering in the teens and we’ve got gusty east winds blowing out of the Gorge at 40+ mph, there ain’t nothin’ enjoyable about that. I’m sure a bunch of my readers on the East Coast are probably snickering right now, but I am not on the East Coast, and therefore am unused to temperatures this extreme.
45 degrees sounds like a heatwave right now.
And that’s normally what we’d be experiencing in January. Gray, dreary, and wet. Rain I can handle. Sub-freezing temperatures are another story. Last week our highs hovered right around 32 for five days in a row, which wreaked havoc with my daily walks. When the hundred or so yards between my car and the office feels like a formidable distance due to the cold and wind, and I spend half the day at work bundled up in a puffy coat because I can barely feel the tips of my fingers when I type, I’m certainly not going to be in the mood to put in four miles around the neighborhood. I’ve actually been taking advantage of the fitness center in my apartment complex and using the treadmill again. It’s the first time I’ve bothered in about a year and a half. I despise walking on the treadmill; not only do I find it tedious and boring, but the act of moving without actually getting anywhere drives me to the brink of insanity. However, even at 5 a.m. the fitness center is a toasty 71 degrees and there is zero percent chance of getting rained or snowed on, so I’ve made temporary peace with the place and will continue to go there until we’re only cold AS (cold As Sacramento, which really isn’t cold at all).
Making matters worse: we haven’t even had a decent snowstorm to justify all this cold weather. Oh, we’ve had a bunch of close calls this winter, but we keep dodging the bullet and ending up with nothing more exciting than a few flurries. We picked up a 1/2″ dusting yesterday. And there has been a little sleet and freezing rain at times. But ice isn’t as nice. I want a big payoff for putting up with the cold. A good 3-4″ of snow at a minimum would at least make it all seem worthwhile. C’mon, Mother Nature! Quit giving Eugene all the goods!
In other news, as is usually the case, the worst part about returning to work after an extended vacation was the anticipation (some might call it dread) of returning to work, rather than the actual returning-to-work part. It didn’t take long to get back into the groove. I think I was there by 10:00 a.m. Monday morning. After a pretty slow six-week stretch our workload has picked up again, which makes the days pass quickly. Last Wednesday I helped conduct employee reviews for my team, and I had tantalized them in advance by letting them know I’d put together a little pun for them. Sure enough, when each one walked in, I greeted them and said, “You might call this a room with a (re)view!“
Deb laughed, but the others were a bit less effusive with their praise. Maybe they’d prefer a boss without a sense of humor?
Hey. At least I crack myself up.
Mark My Words 
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