Last week, I took my car to {INSERT NAME OF NATIONAL CHAIN SPECIALIZING IN OIL CHANGES} for an oil change. After checking me in, the attendant led me to the waiting area, where he instructed me to have a seat and feel free to read a magazine until my name was called. So naturally, I whipped out my phone and started playing games. There were three of us in there, and I couldn’t help but notice we were all doing the same thing.
That’s when it dawned on me: nobody reads magazines anymore.
At least not in waiting rooms. And probably not much at home, either. After subscribing to Entertainment Weekly literally since day one, I let my subscription lapse last year. I had been reading it faithfully for 23 years (!) but issues kept piling up and I could never find the time to get around to them. I knew things were bad when I picked up an unread issue and learned they were making a movie about the Titanic starring that kid from What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and some two-bit actress named Kate something. Was it really worth $60 a year when I was struggling to keep up with the latest pop culture news? I just didn’t think so. I still receive Portland Monthly and Reader’s Digest and Food & Wine, but those are a little easier to keep up with since there are only twelve issues a year versus 52. (And yet, I did just read about some great tips for a delicious Thanksgiving dinner. In 2012. Maybe I need to rethink those subscriptions, too).
I guess I shouldn’t really be surprised. I cancelled my newspaper subscription a couple of years ago for the same reason. I was like, What? Nixon resigned?? Really, the only thing I miss are the comics. And really, the only comic I miss is Pickles. The golden age of comic strips ended when Calvin & Hobbes, Bloom County, and The Far Side all came to an end. There are only so many Garfield-loves-lasagna jokes one can stomach. My dad, on the other hand, has a strict daily ritual. He devotes at least 90 minutes, every single day, to reading the paper, going over every column inch. Q: What’s black and white and read all over? A: My dad’s newspaper! He can probably recite the name of every person who died in Clark County last Tuesday, the sport score to every high school baseball game, and how much a head of broccoli costs at Safeway this week. Me? I just heard about some airplane that disappeared. I hope they find it soon.
I love my phone, but it’s a sad state of affairs that a tiny 4″ screen has replaced magazines and newspapers. That a two-minute round of Quiz Up or a quick scan of my Instagram feed fills those otherwise mundane moments. And I’d wager to bet that waiting rooms everywhere are the same: full of dusty magazines being ignored by people engrossed in their smartphones. The traditionalist in me wants to decry the practice and pick up that latest issue of Newsweek. But my 21st-century short-attention-span mentality demands I play another word on Words With Friends instead, because Jill is nipping at my heels and I just can’t have that now, can I?
Thankfully, I still read before bed. But that’s on my Kindle, and after scrolling through my phone, a practice that drives me crazy…and yet, I’m helpless to stop.
Maybe I won’t have as much time once this new TV show I heard about starts. It’s a sitcom about this guy who is telling his kids how he met their mother. Can’t wait to find out who the mom – clearly the love of his life, since he’s recounting this long tale to his children – is!
Mark My Words 
Leave a comment