I arrived at work yesterday and was all set to pull into one of the last two available spots next to the building, but one of my coworkers in an SUV had arrived simultaneously, so being the gracious guy that I am, I let her go first. She tried to swing into the corner spot but couldn’t quite fit, so she pulled out, and parked in the spot I was going to take. No big deal…until a black Mercedes swooped in behind her and took that last parking spot. I was pissed. I’d been waiting patiently, was next in line, and somebody – to make matters worse, a coworker – stole my spot. You have to understand, we have 30 employees in a building that housed half that number a year and a half ago, and parking is at a premium. I had to park at the opposite end of the parking lot, at least half a football field away. Which is normally not a big deal – I’ve done it before, and will surely do it again – but it was windy and cold and I had my hands full.
I muttered a few choice curse words under my breath and was still irritated when I got to my cubicle. A little while later, the woman who had been driving the SUV approached me and said, “Did I cut you off out there? You must think I’m a real bitch.” Well, no – I wasn’t really angry with her. I blamed the black Mercedes instead.
So when I walked across the
football field parking lot at lunch and saw the rear tire on the passenger side of the Mercedes was flat, I chuckled to myself a little. I’ll admit, while I don’t wish ill will on anybody I work with, and actually think the person who drives the car is a decent enough guy, I couldn’t help but feel an inkling of perverse glee. This was karma at work, in all its glory. No doubt in my mind.
But standing there, staring at the flat tire, my ever-so-slight mirth dissolved when I realized how bad this made me look.
Because, not more than two hours earlier, I had publicly badmouthed this car to my coworkers. I’d talked about how the driver had carelessly and thoughtlessly taken something that was rightfully mine. I stopped just short of vowing revenge, though perhaps it had been implied. Or maybe the implication had been implied. Either way, I suddenly realized people might mistakenly assume I had slashed the tire myself. Something I would never do, of course.
In these cases, it’s best to fight fire with fire. When I got back to the office after lunch, I fired up my email and immediately sent out the following:
Only later, another coworker was passing by and said, “I don’t think you’ll have any problem getting your parking spot from now on.”
“Why’s that, Dan?” I asked.
“We all know better than to piss you off now. We steal your spot, you slash our tires. Message received loud and clear.”
Message?! The only message I was trying to send is, I’M INNOCENT!
So, now the whole office is afraid of me. Everybody thinks I’m some kind of knife-wielding, tire-slashing nut who won’t dare let others push him around.
That is SOOOO cool!!!
So, tomorrow’s the big day. Thanksgiving has long been my favorite holiday. And Tara and I make such a great team, it’s better than ever! I think we’re natural born hosts. This year I insisted on a fresh turkey (free range and grass fed, even) instead of the usual frozen bird. I’ve never had one, and am curious to see if the extra cost is worth it. Tara asked if she could prepare it and cook it, and I hesitated for maybe five seconds before saying “sure, honey – have at it.” While I trust her completely and have no doubt it’ll be delicious, I am the type of person who likes to be in control (I think that’s the Taurus in me) and I always cook the turkey. But this is a year of change. I’m ditching my tried-and-true stuffing recipe for a brand new one, and instead of a pumpkin pie, I’m doing a pumpkin cobbler in the crockpot. I guess I just feel like mixing things up this year. New wife, new life, and all that jazz.
I also can’t help but remember what happened two years ago. This holiday will forever be associated with my unexpected hospital stay back in 2011. Too bad, but I guess that’s inevitable. I still love it more than any other.
Have a great Turkey Day!
- how to fix the inevitable flat (mendocino04.wordpress.com)