I came across a story the other day about a man who died in a Burger King restaurant in the U.K.
Seems the gent had stopped in at lunchtime, and had a Whopper of a heart attack. He collapsed while standing in line, and staff tried to revive him but were unsuccessful. Fortunately, nobody asked him, “Would you like fries with that?” The police were called because the death occurred in a public place, but no foul play is suspected as the man had a preexisting medical condition. The kicker is, the restaurant continued to serve lunch to patrons, whose idea of “have it your way” apparently meant stepping around a dead body to order a flame-broiled burger.
I don’t know about you, but seeing a guy croak in front of me would be an appetite killer, no matter how much I’d been craving BK’s new Satisfries®. At the very least, I’d walk across the street to Subway, or any other place where a customer hadn’t just died. (This being England, I might have to settle for some steak and kidney pudding instead, but even that would beat eating chicken strips while trying to avoid looking at the dead guy lying on the floor). Call me crazy that way.
It would suck to die in a Burger King. It’s so public…and so inconvenient. Not as inconvenient as, say, a pilot kicking the bucket while at the controls of a jumbo jet full of passengers, but still. And it’s kind of embarrassing. You’d probably have a lot of people going, “No wonder he died, eating fast food all the time.” Which isn’t fair to the poor dearly departed, who not only can’t defend himself, but might have been getting ready to order a Chicken, Apple & Cranberry Garden Fresh Salad with TENDERGRILL® for all we know. Or maybe it was his first time ever. Perhaps he’d subsisted on a diet of bubble and squeak and mushy peas all his life, and finally wanted to treat himself to a fast food meal just once in order to break the bland British food monotony. The point is, we’ll never know! Which is why I’d prefer to pass away in private, thankyouverymuch.
Not to mention the fact that I’d hate for my last sensory experiences before departing this mortal coil to include the scent of stale fry grease and the sight of some pimply-faced adolescent with a name badge proclaiming him Brandon.
When I searched Google for information on this story, I was surprised to learn just how many people actually die at Burger King. This was not an isolated incident, believe it or not. We have, to wit:
- Four men shot and killed in Burger King parking lots (Aberdeen, NC, August; Santa Cruz, CA, August; Montrose, TX, March; Waukegan, IL, 2012).
- Three women murdered inside Burger King restaurants (DeBary, FL, 2011; Lindenhurst, IL, 2006; Bridgewater, MA, 2002).
- Two men shot to death in Burger King drive-throughs (Toronto, March; New Haven, CT, 2012).
- One woman intentionally run over by a car in a BK drive-through (Denver, 2009).
- One woman run over by her own car in the parking garage of Burger King’s corporate headquarters (Miami, 2011).
- One man found dead in a Burger King bathroom (Beaumont, TX, 2010).
- One man died after a Burger King employee punched him in the face (Detroit, 2010).
- One man died after a fight that started in a Burger King spilled out onto the street (Oakland, 2012).
And so forth and so on. Apparently, dying at Burger King is all the rage, kind of like twerking and gluten-free foods and shutting down the government. I knew fast food was bad for your health, but sheesh. I had no idea just going to pick some up could kill you. For the record, people die at McDonald’s, Wendy’s, and Taco Bell, too. I found bizarre stories about all of them. They just appear to do so in far fewer numbers.
My favorite story of all still involves Burger King and a dead man, but at least it didn’t happen there. David Kime, a WWII veteran from Pennsylvania, died earlier this year at the age of 88. Kime was a huge fan of Burger King, especially the Whopper Junior. After he passed away in January, his family honored him by having the entire funeral procession, hearse and all, pass through the BK drive-through. Everybody got a Whopper Junior, including the deceased; his daughter laid a bag containing a burger atop his casket, and they were buried together. I’m not making this up: you can read the story here.
So, what do you think about all these Burger King deaths? Are you willing to risk your life for a Double Whopper? Where do you think is the worst place imaginable to die?
- The Web Hates Burger King’s Fake Name Change (business.time.com)
- What do you think of Burger King’s new SatisFries? (simmerandboil.cookinglight.com)
- Burger King Coupons (sarangbi101.wordpress.com)
Categories: Ripped From The Headlines