Tara and I have been living together for a full week now, and it has been wonderful. We’ve been sore from using a lot of muscles that don’t normally get a workout (from all the lifting and moving and unpacking – get your minds out of the gutter already!), but also subscribe to the adage that all work and no play is for the birds, so we’ve taken some time out to do fun things, too.
Minds back in the gutter.
Actually, I was referring to our trip to Seattle last week. We drove up on Wednesday to visit with Tara’s family. Stayed a couple of nights, met her newborn nephew Anthony, celebrated a couple of birthdays, and drove to Kerry Park to capture this fantastic shot.
I was bummed because our drive through the Queen Anne neighborhood was impromptu and I didn’t have my camera on me, but fortunately my phone takes pretty good pics. The evening was chilly but the view was worth it!
And then yesterday, with a perfect spring day beckoning us, we drove out to the Columbia River Gorge. Checked out a couple of waterfalls and had a picnic lunch at the Vista House at Crown Point, soaking up sunshine and 70-degree weather. It doesn’t get more perfect than that (though the margaritas and chicken chimichangas we had for dinner that night certainly gave the rest of the day a run for its money).
So, all in all, I’m digging this whole living-with-a-female thing. It’s funny, though – there are some definite signs that a woman is living in the house now, subtle clues scattered here and there that make it apparent that I am no longer a bachelor. I thought I’d point a few of these out for any guys reading who might not realize they are living with a girl. Not sure how they wouldn’t know that, but work with me here, people.
Five Signs You’re Living With a Female
- Your house smells nice. I’m not saying my place reeked of musk and cigars and motor oil, but it’s definitely got a more pleasing aroma now (as opposed to having no discernible scent). There are things like Scentsy warmers and reed diffusers and Glade plug-in thingamajigs scattered about the place instead of haphazardly strewn socks. It’s nice to step inside the door and be greeted with the smell of pumpkin or vanilla or lavender for a change.
- There are about fifty pairs of shoes filling your closets. I don’t know what it is about women and shoes. They’ve got the same number of feet as we men do – two at last count – and yet, they have shoes for every conceivable occasion. Me? I’ve got a pair of tennis shoes, a pair of hiking boots, and sandals. Tara? She’s got multiple pairs of tennis shoes and dress shoes and hiking shoes and slippers and – get this – five pairs of flip-flops. 5 pairs? Does she need one for each day of the week?? “They’re for different outfits,” she says. I tried not to roll my eyes. I swear I did.
- You will learn the true meaning of the word “clean.” I’ve always considered myself a fairly neat person. “Haphazardly strewn socks” was a joke, because I’m pretty anal about picking things up and keeping the place organized. I thought I kept a clean house…until I met Tara. Did you know, for instance, that the knobs on your stove pop off, and that you are supposed to clean behind them?! Neither did I. And apparently, sheets shouldn’t stay on the bed for more than a week and towels should be washed on a regular basis. And the kitchen counters get wiped down after every meal. I’m not even allowed to wash the dishes anymore because I missed one little spot on a pan one time!
- You’ll have less shower space thanks to the gazillion and one bath products stacked up in there. When I was on my own, I had a bottle of shampoo, a bar of soap, and some body wash for special occasions. That’s it. I took inventory of my shower the other day and was amazed to find no fewer than ten bottles of various products in there. We had to get a bigger rack to hang around the shower head just to fit them all! There are lotions and gels and daily washes and moisturizers and creams and god-knows-what-else. I told Tara they make shampoo+conditioner in one convenient bottle and she scoffed at me. I do have to admit, she smells really good, though.
- Your living room will resemble an arboretum. I like plants as much as the next guy. Keeping them alive has always proven to be a challenge, though – which explains the collection of silk plants and fake plastic trees I’d owned. The only thing better than “low maintenance” is “no maintenance,” that’s always been my motto! Yet suddenly the house is full of green shrubbery that requires things like water and sunlight, and the artificial ficus has taken up residence in the dumpster. It’s like living in a jungle – I half expect to see parrots flitting by and monkeys swinging from the chandelier.
Don’t get me wrong – I love Tara, and am enjoying the feeling of domestication very much. She has made me a better person, and filled my life with happiness! And lots and lots of shoes, but whatever.
In the interest of fairness, she has promised a rebuttal post on her blog later this week. Stay tuned!
Mark My Words 
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