Every year, CheeseGov assigns mandatory training courses for all employees to complete. The 2025 batch of topics includes security awareness, public records law, and harassment and discrimination in the workplace.
All important things to know.
But it took me forever to get through the harassment/discrimination training yesterday. What should have taken 30 minutes instead took an hour. Thanks to this guy:
This particular training video featured a rotating trio of sign language interpreters on one side of the screen. Whenever this dude popped up on my screen, I found it impossible to pay attention to anything else. His facial expressions were so intense, his hand gestures so wild, I found myself constantly laughing out loud. Which is pretty awkward when the video is depicting some mid-level manager telling his female employee she’ll only get a promotion if she grants him sexual favors, or a group of guys bullying their hijab-wearing coworker, or the idiot telling the non-white guy in the adjoining cubicle to keep the noise level down because “you people are so loud.”
Ouch. I know! It was brutal.
Serious subject matter aside, I could not stop snickering. Every few minutes this dude would reappear, and I tried my damnedest to ignore his crazy eyes, the grimace that looked like he’d been sucking on a lemon, the wildly gesticulating hands. It all made him appear very angry, like he wanted to choke someone. Or he’d done a bump of coke five seconds before the director yelled, “Action!” If I were deaf, it would feel like he was shouting at me.
(I’m not deaf, but it still felt that way.)
Meanwhile, the other two ASL interpreters went about their sign-language business placidly. I barely noticed them, which is how it should be, right? But this guy was impossible to ignore.
Whenever someone walked by my cubicle du jour, I tensed up. I didn’t want them to get the wrong idea and mistakenly think I condoned such behavior or found it humorous. I’d hate to be labeled racist or misogynistic or ageist or homophobic (or anything bad ending in -ist or -ick) like your garden-variety MAGA cultist.
Not only that, but I had to keep backing the video up, because I’d totally miss whatever they were talking about thanks to Crazy Interpreter Dude. I should have taped a piece of paper over the right side of my monitor to hide him, but dammit, I didn’t think of that until just this very second.
Finally, after sixty minutes I finished my half-hour training video and earned that much-desired Certificate of Completion. Which I promptly downloaded and saved just in case. I don’t usually bother, but man, I needed proof, because the thought of having to sit through that again should something happen is too excruciating to fathom.
This was the second interesting thing to happen this week at CheeseGov. Weird days are starting to become a habit!
On Tuesday, I was asked to play photographer at an offsite awards ceremony. The event was held at UW-Madison’s Memorial Union South, a place I had never been. “Parking is tricky,” I was warned, but I wasn’t too concerned. I found an online map with real-time parking info and headed for Lot 17 on Engineering Drive. From there, it was just a short stroll to Union South.
In theory.
Unless you’re a dumbass with no sense of direction. Check out the map below. The star is where I parked. The blue dots represent the simple, straightforward route from the garage to Union South (marked with a gold arrow). The red dots represent the route Mark took to get there, because he was completely turned around.
I’d arrived with (what should have been) plenty of time to spare, but after taking a very circuitous route all the way around the football stadium, I was cutting it close. But at least I took that shortcut through the park to save a few seconds! Go, me!
All the work stress this week inspired me to take a PTO day on Friday. It’s sorely needed.
(Just kidding. I’m taking the day off because it’s going to be in the 70s and I’ve got vacation time I need to use by June or lose forever. No way is that going to happen.)
With that said, happy weekend, y’all!
Mark My Words 
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