One recent Saturday, Tara wandered into the living room while I was relaxing in my recliner, cats on my lap, sipping coffee and thumbing through a magazine. She put a hand beneath her chin and stared at the wall, brow furrowed. This was the moment I knew my perfectly chill morning was about to get flipped upside down.
“Uh-oh,” I said. “You’ve got that look.”
“What look?”
“The one that says chaos is about to ensue.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was just thinking the TV might look better against that wall…”
Fine. Maybe the TV would look better against another wall. But we’d have to clear space for the TV by moving the recliner. With the recliner in a new spot, the couch would also need to go somewhere else. And so forth and so on. My lower back was already hurting and I hadn’t even put down my coffee yet.
Look, I’m a guy who embraces change. I have no problem killing the status quo, and this would not be my first rearranging-the-furniture rodeo. I’ve done this many times in my life – but in my experience, each item almost always gets moved back to its original location. Might take a month, might take 12 hours and a sleepless night, but there’s a reason you chose that arrangement in the first place: it was the best fit. Trust your instincts.
Still, sometimes in life you have to take one for the team, so I set aside the magazine, chugged my coffee, and fake-brightly said, “Let’s do this!”
The next 90 minutes were spent moving the TV (not only to that wall, but to other walls, as well), the stand it was on, the recliner, the couch, the end tables, and the lamps. Cords were unplugged, the router was disconnected, and we broke out the vacuum cleaner to suck up the dust and crumbs that were hiding beneath the couch and recliner. Finally, dripping with sweat, sore and bruised, when all was said and done…
…the furniture ended up in the exact same place as when we started.
Like I said: instinct, man! Wisely, I refrained from saying, “I told you so.”
Instead, Tara decided to rearrange the artwork on the walls. She added the MCM sconces I bought her for Christmas, installed a floating shelf (the name’s bullshit, guys; you still have to nail it to the wall!), and put up a big ass barometer we scored from an antique store in Oshkosh last year.
I have to admit, everything looks great. I guess wall decor is the exception to the whole first-place-is-best-place rule.
Driving to work yesterday, I hit the red light on Main Street. Normally this annoys me, but sitting there, I couldn’t help but think how pretty my town is. Especially at blue hour, with a fresh dusting of snow and leftover Christmas decorations on the light poles. The red light and green turn signal added to the festive feel, so I grabbed my phone to take a pic.
It was a bitterly cold 2° but at the risk of sounding corny, I couldn’t help but feel a warm glow (though this might’ve had something to do with the heated seats.) It’s a great little downtown, just four blocks intersected by a now-largely-frozen river. Sure, a few additional businesses would be nice – I’d kill for a movie theater, ramen restaurant, and discount tobacco store called Chew ‘N Butts – but otherwise, it oozes Midwest charm. Such a happy accident, ending up here.
When I got to work, I immediately scouted out a flex space – my new ritual upon arriving. So far, so good. I’ve managed to snag a private corner cubicle the past couple of times, which is actually a nicer spot than my former permanent one was. The primo window seats have thus far been spoken for, but if it comes down to a foot race, I’m not above tripping someone.
Unfortunately, I didn’t last long. I’ve been battling an uncommon cold (for me, at least; I never get sick!) and was not happy about this. I felt so sneezy it was making me grumpy, dopey, and a little sleepy. I wasn’t too bashful to let my boss know I was heading home early. It’s not so bad that I need to see a doc; just annoying. It’s normally dark when I leave, but this time I was nearly blinded by the sun’s rays reflecting off the snow white parking lot. A grimm reminder that life isn’t one big fairy tale.
Wednesday is normally an in-office day but I’m working from home instead so as not to spread any germs. The temperature was below zero this morning when I normally would have headed out the door so, while colds suck, at least mine has fortunate timing. ‘Course, next week is going to be even colder, so I guess I should cross my fingers for a raging case of Zika Virus or something.
Mark My Words 
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