Saturday night, we were listening to records. We usually pick a theme, and that evening, it was ’80s hair bands. Which meant Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Scorpions, and Van Halen.
We chose Van Halen’s classic, 1984. I don’t remember what year that one came out, but man: it’s rock ‘n roll gold. When “Hot For Teacher” started spinning, I asked Tara if she remembered the video. Because when it came out in high school, my classmates started calling me Waldo. In case you don’t recall the video, or never had MTV – perish the thought! – here’s Waldo.
I didn’t look anything like Waldo, so I never minded the nickname. I assumed my peers christened me that because I was a hard rockin’ Van Halen fan. Seemed like an innocent enough homage! Tara was less convinced.
“Did you have any other nicknames in high school?” she asked.
“Sure did!” I replied. “Jimmy Olsen. The intrepid photojournalist working alongside Clark Kent at The Daily Planet.”
“They called you Jimmy Olsen?” she said.
“Yeah. Remember those label makers that were popular before printers were a thing? Someone made me a JIMMY OLSEN label and stuck it on my locker. Pretty cool, huh?”
“Pretty something. Listen, babe. I hate to break this to you, because it seems like you are completely unaware, but you were a nerd in high school.”
I stared at my wife, aghast. Me? A nerd?! Impossible. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, to paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld. Nevertheless, I offered up a rebuttal.
“No way! They called me that because I was editor of my high school newspaper. They were impressed with my mad reporting skillz and commitment to uncovering the big stories. It’s not like I walked around wearing a pocket protector or anything! That would have clashed with my Miami Vice ensemble.”
Tara just stared at me, waiting for it to sink in. I thought back to my high school days, how I used to wander the halls on my way to journalism class, scooting out of the way of the jocks headed for the football field. My best friend – nicknamed Farmer Ted, because he was the spitting image of Anthony Michael Hall’s geeky character in Sixteen Candles – and I thought we were hot shit, he with his cheesy pick-up lines that never won over the girls and me dressed in white pants and pastel shirts like my hero, Sonny Crockett. On occasion, I might have worn my National Honor Society pin, completing the ensemble. And suddenly, it dawned on me.
My wife was right. I was a high school nerd.
The look on my face must have been priceless, because I have never seen Tara laugh so hard. And then, to really drive home the point, she texted my daughter, Audrey.
Tara: OMG…your dad just had a total epiphany. He was a legit nerd in high school and had no idea. Am I the only one that assumed that was the case but just thought it was cute and endearing?
Audrey: LOL. I had no idea he never knew. I always assumed he was a nerd in high school, he did the schools newspaper.
Mark: This is your dad. I was the EDITOR of the school newspaper. That’s cool, right???
Tara: It’s OK to be honest, Audrey. He told me he was called Waldo (from Van Halen’s Hot For Teacher video) and Jimmy Olsen (geeky photographer from Superman) when he went to high school in Rapid City. NGL, it’s super sweet that he thought that was a compliment. I felt so bad telling him it kinda wasn’t.
Audrey: Oh man, that somehow makes it worse. Poor guy. It’s okay, he’s made a come around. He’s decently cool now.
“Decently cool now.” Man, if that ain’t a complisult, I don’t know what is.
I guess I never really thought of myself as anything in high school. I was fairly anonymous, just another face in the crowd, neither Freak nor Geek. I belonged to no cliques, but instead, just kind of existed. Once I even found myself on the periphery of the popular crowd, but that was fleeting and only through association.
Tell you what, though. I took the newspaper stuff seriously. It may not have been hard-hitting journalism, but what do you expect in a high school on the South Dakota prairie? If I was writing about a teacher or a band competition or an album review, I poured my heart and soul into those words. Even now, thumbing through those mimeographed pages (I’m old, okay?!), I see glimpses of the writer I would become. Those articles make me proud.
And Farmer Ted and I really had a blast. Once we even stood up in a crowded movie theater and sang The Star-Spangled Banner. We were young and fearless and the world was our oyster. If that made us nerds, I can live with it.
Honest opinion: was the school newspaper considered nerdy? Would you have laughed at my Sonny Crockett getup or asked me to the Sadie Hawkins dance? Did you belong to a high school clique, and if so, how did that shape your teenage life?
Mark My Words 
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