A few months ago, Tara was raving about this book she read. “You have to check it out!” she gushed, so I added it to my Kindle queue. I love a good recommendation!
Meanwhile, this week I was slogging through a book so bad, it infuriated me: The Perfect Marriage by Jeneva Rose. (If this is on your TBR list, there are no plot spoilers, laughable though the “plot” is.)
The premise was interesting – husband is accused of murdering his mistress, high-powered attorney wife defends him in court – and the first few pages were okay. But it quickly sank under the weight of its own pretensions, and by the time I was halfway through, I couldn’t wait for it to be over. I’ve given up on books before, and should have bailed on this one early on, but it was so absurdly awful I had to power through. It’s like how you don’t want to stare at a car wreck but can’t stop yourself. I rage-read all the way to the end, and left the most scathing one-star review on Goodreads ever.
Here are the highlights:
This is one of the worst books I’ve ever read...The writing is amateurish and sloppy, full of spelling and grammatical errors (I would expect an author to at least know the difference between “that didn’t faze me” and “that didn’t phase me,” never mind the mixed tenses, incomplete sentences, and downright awful-at-times dialogue). Then there are the main characters, neither of whom has a single redeeming quality. They aren’t just unlikable; they are stupid, egotistical, borderline alcoholics with anger issues a mile wide. Halfway through the book, I was hoping the novel would take a twist by having an asteroid come crashing to earth, killing them both and at least putting us readers out of our misery. No such luck. Oh, there’s a twist, alright…but like the rest of this laborious read, it’s utterly ridiculous…Everyone is so hapless and inept at their jobs, it’s a miracle any of them are even capable of getting themselves dressed in the morning. Reading this was an insult to my intelligence. I’d ask for a refund, but I borrowed it from the library. I’d still like money back for time wasted. I hear they’re making this into a movie. That’s probably the biggest twist of all. Has Hollywood gone bonkers?
Damn, that’s harsh. But deserved. I’d never rated a book lower than two stars before; most of my ratings are in the 3-4 star range. As a published author myself, I feel a kinship with my fellow novelists, and try to find some redeeming quality in every work. This one had nothin’.
Even the tagline is annoying. “A completely gripping psychological suspense” my ass. I can’t believe Jeneva Rose sold over a million copies, while I’m thrilled to get a $2.03 royalty payment from Kindle Direct Publishing every few months. There truly is no justice in the world. I was ranting so hard about this offending piece of quasi-literature, Tara wanted to know the name of the book so she too could avoid it at all costs.
You do see where this is going, right?
If you guessed The Perfect Marriage is the same book my dear wife recommended so highly, ding, ding, ding!
Which is kind of hilarious, and made both of us feel a little sheepish. Trooper that she is, Tara owned up to liking this awful book, acknowledged my criticisms, and gave me free rein to throw her under the bus on my blog.
I’m not doing that, of course. But I am teasing her a little. We are fortunate to share pretty much the same tastes in pop culture. For the most part, we like the same music, television shows, and movies…not to mention books. We often recommend ones we’ve liked to each other after finishing them (case in point!), and 9 times out of 10, we end up enjoying them just as much ourselves.
The Perfect Marriage is that 1 time out of 10 anomaly.
I’ve never had such a visceral reaction to a book before, and started to wonder if I was the only one not feeling The Perfect Marriage. I feel somewhat validated, because there are a slew of 1-star reviews on Goodreads that pretty much echo everything I wrote. Redditors hate it, too. And yet, out of 593,050 total Goodreads ratings, the average is 3.98 stars. Clearly, Tara isn’t the only one who likes it. And William Broyles (Apollo 13, Cast Away) is writing the screenplay for a film version.
I only hope the release date is after the apocalypse. The mere fact that they’re making a movie out of this trash is a sure sign that one is fast approaching.
Just as predicted, it warmed up this week. We’ve had some rain, and with the mild temperatures, our once-deep snowpack is rapidly melting. But at least the roads are clear! I’d forgotten how nice it was not to slip and slide across snow- and ice-packed arterials.
It’s also been super foggy. That’s what happens when warm, moist air comes into contact with cold snow. Who knew! I can count on zero hands the number of times this happened growing up in Hawaii.
Me being me, I already miss the snow. I just remind myself that a year ago on this date, we still had 45 more inches of snow coming before it finally ended in April. It’s way too soon to stick a fork in winter yet, at least ’round these parts. Our snow blower shall likely get a few more workouts before she goes into hibernation.
P.S. Sorry for the clickbait-y title.
If you’ve read The Perfect Marriage, what did you think? Ever disagree with your spouse over something pop culture-related? If so, were you able to convince the other they were flat-out wrong, or did you remain at an impasse?
Mark My Words 
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