Damn Kids

January 21, 2015

2–3 minutes

You know you’re getting older when you wonder whose kid that is wandering around the office, and it turns out to be your company’s newest employee.

I was on a phone call and when I saw one of my coworkers escort a young man who appeared to be no older than 15 to a desk, I assumed somebody had brought their kid to the office since it was a holiday, and he was looking for a spot to do homework. In reality, he’ll be developing user interfaces for our websites, determining flow patterns, and writing JavaScript, AJAX, JSP and other coding.

Well, now.

For the first time in my career, I am on the older end of the age spectrum at work. I remember when I was fresh out of college and starting my first “real” job at the tender young age of 23. My coworkers probably thought I was somebody’s kid crashing in the office, looking for a spot to do my homework. I guess this is what they call the circle of life.

I certainly acted the part, too. One day I pretended to cut my finger off when using the paper cutter. I came rushing out of the copy room, ketchup applied liberally to my hand to simulate fake blood. Another time, I stuffed a couple of oranges down my shirt and pretended I was halfway through a sex-change operation. WTF was I thinking?!

Grapefruit would have been more impressive.

So, yeah. I wasn’t the most mature person at that age, but I was definitely the office prankster. Eventually, I took work seriously enough to end up with a promotion and transfer to the Pacific Northwest, so all’s well that ends well, right?

Apparently, our newest employee – the teenager-who-isn’t – has three kids. “Holy crap!” I exclaimed when I heard this news. “I don’t even have three kids!” Either this guy became a dad when he was 12, or he’s older than his appearance would indicate. Regardless of his true biological age, it dismays me to know that I’m old enough to think of younger people as “kids” in the first place. When did that happen?! Next I’ll be yelling at them to get off my lawn. And the “them” I’m referring to will probably be 26 years old.

Damn kids…

11 responses to “Damn Kids”

Ron

January 21, 2015 at 7:42 am

” One day I pretended to cut my finger off when using the paper cutter. I came rushing out of the copy room, ketchup applied liberally to my hand to simulate fake blood. Another time, I stuffed a couple of oranges down my shirt and pretended I was halfway through a sex-change operation. WTF was I thinking?!”

Bwhahahahahahaha! OMG Mark, I HOWLED out loud when I read that. HILARIOUS! And I laughed because it sounds exactly like something I would do at work too!

Yup, I know what you mean because I am now officially the “oldest” person at work. However, like you, I act like a kid because coworkers are always saying, “I can’t believe you’re 59!?!”

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1. Mark Petruska
  
  January 21, 2015 at 2:09 pm
  
  Can you imagine if the two of us worked together, Ron? It’d be chaos. I think our combined mental age would be much lower than most of our coworkers’ real ages!
  
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Allie P.

January 21, 2015 at 8:52 am

I have been shaking my fist in the sky while yelling at the kids to stay off the lawn since the first time I had to tell a prospective applicant that “dress” shorts weren’t appropriate attire for an interview. Sigh…

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1. Mark Petruska
  
  January 21, 2015 at 2:31 pm
  
  I interviewed a young lady once who thought recreating Sharon Stone’s infamous crossing-and-uncrossing-the-legs scene in “Basic Instinct” was the best way to land the job. People will try anything these days!
  
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The Edmonton Tourist

January 21, 2015 at 9:18 am

I was chatting with co-workers about great concerts we’ve been to. The talk was about Bryan Adams new tour and they asked me if I knew who he was. I replied with, I saw him open for Lover Boy in 81. Apparently, their grandpa was there too and did I know, grandpa was born in the 60’s! Can you even imagine? Well sonny… So was I.

I hate kids.

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1. Mark Petruska
  
  January 21, 2015 at 2:36 pm
  
  Speaking of Bryan Adams, I too was alive during the summer of ’69. Take that, you young whippersnappers!
  
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Bijoux

January 21, 2015 at 11:02 am

Lol on your post and the above comments! I no longer work, so I’ve missed out on the damn kids. But Middle Child had a male inclusion teacher in a high school English class who looked super young. Substitute teachers always mistaked him for a student and would say things like, “You need to sit down, honey. The bell has rung.”

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1. Mark Petruska
  
  January 21, 2015 at 2:37 pm
  
  Now, THAT is hilarious! My daughter’s orthodontist looks like Doogie Howser. Fresh out of dental school? He looks like he’s barely out of middle school!
  
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cestlavie22

January 23, 2015 at 9:17 am

This is so funny to me because I am that damn kid in the office. Everyone I work with is well over the hill and I am basically the daughter of the office. Everyone protects me, imparts wisdom on me and constantly teases me. I think I have a few years before I will be considered a serious working adult.

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1. Mark Petruska
  
  January 24, 2015 at 12:45 pm
  
  Enjoy it now, because before you know it you’ll be old and jaded and smirking at the newest young’uns in the office!
  
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Carl D’Agostino

January 25, 2015 at 1:25 pm

Kid? I’m 65 and most people contend that I am 8.

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