French fries and free checking.

Friday afternoon, Tara and I stopped by our local credit union to open a new account. The receptionist had us take a seat while waiting for an available account representative and asked if she could get us anything, like water or coffee. "I'd love some French fries," I replied. My dear wife didn't even bat … Continue reading French fries and free checking.

Mr. Sassypants Strikes Again

We were having our weekly marketing meeting over Teams last week and my boss said I was being sassy. (He wasn’t mad or anything. He laughed when he said it.) This followed my comment in which I told D, my supervisor, "Sure, I'll have that assignment done before noon. As long as you don't drone … Continue reading Mr. Sassypants Strikes Again

I Can Do Funny

You ever have one of those days when you’re so engrossed in what you’re doing at work, you glance at the clock—are surprised to see it’s only a few minutes before quittin’ time—and grumble a little bit, because by god, you’re on a roll and having so much fun you don’t want to go home just yet? … Continue reading I Can Do Funny

Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign

Recently, a fellow blogger asked her readers to play a game. You’ve just died, her post read. The sixth picture in your phone gallery is what killed you. Normally I avoid engaging in this sort of frivolity, even though I enjoy these types of posts. This time, purely out of curiosity, I scrolled through my … Continue reading Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign

Pretty, Pretty, Pretty, Pretty Good

For the past month, I've been binge-watching a little show called "Curb Your Enthusiasm" (though my definition of "binge-watching" probably differs from yours; it's more like a handful of episodes a week instead of multiple episodes per day. More of a Binge Lite, if you will.) Perhaps you've heard of it? It stars Larry David, the … Continue reading Pretty, Pretty, Pretty, Pretty Good

I’m Bleeding to Death, Pineapple Jones!

This morning we had a benefits enrollment meeting at work to discuss health insurance coverage. As the meeting was winding down, our HR lady asked if there were any questions. I had an overwhelming urge to respond, What if you have a preexisting condition that is highly contagious in enclosed quarters? Can you still get … Continue reading I’m Bleeding to Death, Pineapple Jones!

Shit MY Dad Says

You know that Twitter-feed-turned-book-turned-website-turned-TV-show-(briefly), Shit My Dad Says? I am convinced that I could have (nay, should have) come up with the concept first. I would have been rich and famous already, because I gotta tell ya, my dad has come up with some real gems over the years. “I love your parents,” Tara says. … Continue reading Shit MY Dad Says

The Perfect Sayonara

I wake up this morning at 6:00 sharp, the predawn darkness enveloping me in a cocoon, thick and heavy.  My stomach gives a little lurch as I realize that today is The Day.  6 years, 4 months, and 22 days ago I walked through the front doors of KNA as an employee.  Today, I will … Continue reading The Perfect Sayonara


I have a sinking feeling that I might be a fame whore.  First off, there’s the whole writing thing.  I’d like to have a book published so my words live on long after I’m gone.  What better way to achieve immortality?  It would also be cool to have either a periodic element named after me … Continue reading OLFR