We were getting ready to go out a few days ago when I noticed that Tara had one sock and shoe on. Her other foot was bare. This blew my mind. "Have you always done that?" I asked."Done what?" she wondered. "Put on your socks and shoes like that.""Like what?""One foot at a time." "Of … Continue reading Sock-Sock-Shoe-Shoe

Knitted a Scarf. My Neck Benefited.

English for Dummies The English language will be the bane of my existence. That’s saying a lot, considering I’m a professional writer.* *By professional, I mean, in job title only. It in no way denotes professionalism. After all, I’m the guy whose witty proposed headline—What the FTP is Webmail?!—was shot down by corporate today because … Continue reading Knitted a Scarf. My Neck Benefited.

An Intimate Dinner of 100

Tara stopped by a local food co-op last week and found black garlic. She bought a bag, reminiscing over the amazing black garlic aioli we used to enjoy from Pacific House in Vancouver, WA. "Let's make our own!" I said, suggesting we use it in place of mayo on a BLT, one of the restaurant's … Continue reading An Intimate Dinner of 100

Punctuation Menopause

I have recently been informed that the period is dead. RIP, period. We hardly knew ye. Actually, we knew ye for a good long time, but you are as obsolete as rotary telephones and dial-up modems now. Even The Washington Post says so. The younger generation shuns you. You have been demoted to a mere … Continue reading Punctuation Menopause

Irregardless Ain’t a Word*

I heard a coworker this morning use "irregardless" in a sentence. As in, "it'll happen irregardless of the situation." This made me cringe inside. Irregardless ain't a word...and this was the third time in two days I'd heard it used. Come on, people! After all, like Bush and Cheney, it's a double negative. The prefix ("ir-") and … Continue reading Irregardless Ain’t a Word*

The Tittle Becomes an Umlaut

Maybe I'm naive, but I have no idea how to type those two little dots over the word naive. Nor do I know what they're called or why they're there. naïve Fortunately, I'm a pro at cutting and pasting. Normally, there's just one dot over the letter i. This is called a tittle. Adding a second dot turns the … Continue reading The Tittle Becomes an Umlaut

Turning Verbs Into Nouns

Tara and I were recently in Sears shopping for a new washing machine. I couldn't help but chuckle over the silliness of calling a machine that washes clothes a "washing machine." The name's much too literal. We don't call a car a "driving machine" or a refrigerator a "keeping food cold machine."  And why isn't … Continue reading Turning Verbs Into Nouns

Running A Murraython

The good news? I don't have to worry about freelance writing screwing around with my unemployment benefits. After checking into this with the Washington unemployment office, I learned the state simply deducts the difference from what I'm earning part-time from my weekly checks. In fact, there's a rather complicated formula/chart wherein they take a percentage … Continue reading Running A Murraython