I was eating a banana today, and started thinking about a snack I used to enjoy growing up. I would slice a banana into a bowl, pour orange juice over the banana slices, and eat them with a spoon.
Holy crap. I was one weird kid.
And yet, I remember how good it tasted. Plus, it had to be pretty healthy. Better for you than a bag of chips or a candy bar, right? When you think about it, this fruity concoction is really nothing more than a deconstructed smoothie, which means I was a pretty innovative twelve year old. With a potassium level off the charts, presumably.
No wonder I rarely get sick.
Do you know what this means, though? Are you picking up what I’m laying down here?
I invented the smoothie.
This is not some baseless claim like Al Gore’s whole internet thing. Had I dumped the bowl into a blender and pressed START, I’d be rich! Instead, I am still a million bucks shy of being a millionaire.
Quick, name that movie. (Answer can be found below).
Unbelievably, this is not the first invention I was screwed out of. Back in college, I majored in Advertising. No, I’m not saying I invented Mad Men. But I had a Campaigns class, and our big project for the semester was to create and market a new product. I was living in California, where it’s sunny 300 days out of the year. People are obsessed with tanning, but that can lead to melanoma. So I thought, how about a self-tanning spray that would give you bronzed skin without the risk of developing cancer? I called it…drumroll, please…
Tan In a Can.
In the late 80s, there was no other product like this on the market. A year or two later, self-tanning sprays started showing up on grocery store shelves. Which means I also invented sunless tanning products. I often joke that my college professor quit the next year and was seen driving around town in a Ferrari. Because Tan In a Can is a real product now.
To add insult to injury, she only gave me a “B” in that class.
And here I am, still still a million bucks shy of being a millionaire.
Which is a quote from Del Griffith (John Candy) in one of the greatest comedies of all times, Planes, Trains & Automobiles. If you don’t believe me, I’ve got three words for you:
Those aren’t pillows.