Photo Bombs

Last year, one of my blogging buddies – the estimable (and soon-to-be-wed) Jess Witkins – “introduced” me to a friend of hers on Facebook named Todd Youngman. She thought our senses of humor were similar, and we might get along. Jess and I have read each other a long time now; I think of her as a friend, no less so than any of my “real world” acquaintances. Which is the way of the blogging world, at least in my experience. I happened to marry one of my blogging friends, after all! Because I respect Jess’s opinion, Todd and I did become friends. She was right: he’s a funny guy. In fact, he’s a literal comedian who lives in Rochester. He has performed with comics like Josh Blue, whom I have long admired. I quickly grew to look forward to Todd’s Facebook posts.

One of Todd’s trademarks is posting Photoshopped pictures of himself online. These are really good, too. Case in point:

There was that time he met the President…

He even wound up starring in a very successful drama series on AMC.

As you can tell, Todd’s Photoshop skills are quite impressive. He blends himself in seamlessly. Some of the pics are so good, I believe for a split second they’re real. Maybe Todd is like a real-life Forrest Gump, appearing with many popular and historical figures throughout time.

Having seen his Photoshopped pictures, I was inspired to try and create my own. The only problem? I don’t have Photoshop. In my defense, that shit’s expensive! But even if I could afford it, my shots would pale in comparison to his. The fact is, I’m just not good at that stuff. In fact, it’s pretty clear that I am The World’s Worst Photoshopper.

Don’t believe me? The proof is in the slideshow.

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I’ll be the first to admit, these are bad. Really bad. I could blame it on the fact that I’m using inferior programs (there’s only so much you can do with Face In Hole), but in honesty, I just think my design skills suck. Maybe I don’t have the patience to carefully trim out the background or seamlessly blend the parts into a cohesive whole. It’s a good thing I’m not on the bomb squad. I’d be like,

Snip the red wire where it intersects with the blue one? I ain’t got time for that…this is close enouBOOM!!

My photography skills aren’t bad, I’m just no good at layering.

Which also explains why I can’t build a decent burrito to save my life.

And yet, I keep trying. Mama didn’t raise no quitters! (She didn’t raise no Photoshopping geniuses either). Try as I might though, I can’t convince my friends I appeared on this year’s Oscars telecast…

(And no, I have not been invited to next year’s Academy Awards. Ellen says I ruined this otherwise happy shot. Whatever! I don’t like Los Angeles anyway, so the joke’s on her).

Besides, I have bigger fish to fry. Barack’s got me running all over the world with him…

For the record, he’s got a pretty nice backhand.

I even once appeared in a now famous post-election photograph celebrating an unexpected voting triumph. I looked on smugly from the comfort of my wheelchair while showing the world the Chicago Daily Tribune got their headline wrong.

Yeah, my Photoshopping skills suck. But at least I’m having fun with the whole thing!

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• The Coolest Photoshopped Images on Tumblr of June 2014