Occasionally I like to check out the stats for my blog. No big surprise; most of us do that from time to time. I especially enjoy looking at the search terms – the words and phrases people have typed in to Google (or their search engine of choice) that ended up directing them to my blog. Some are funny, some strange, and a few downright frightening.
By far the most popular word that gets people here is popcorn. All because I wrote a post about how difficult it was to make stovetop popcorn, and included a popular Google image that now directs people to my site. (It’s not really hard to make stovetop popcorn, but at the time I was a virgin. You might say my kernel hadn’t yet been popped).
Other very popular search terms are Pippa Middleton’s feet (for the fetishists of the world who have a keen interest in British royalty) and Piper Perabo’s feet (for those who really liked Coyote Ugly). Why I was writing about their feet in the first place now eludes me, though I can’t say it really surprises me. I also get a lot of hits for people searching for lava lamps and Keurig coffeemakers and washing machines. A bunch of people have searched for who missed the plane when Buddy Holly died, and that is apropos since it was two years ago today that I was walking through the soybean field where Buddy Holly’s plane crashed. Man, time flies. A lot of people stumble upon me searching for dinosaur ghosts and do you believe in fate and grilled cheese and anything related to belly dancers.
I like the ones that are phrased in the form of a question.
How can I go about trying to hook up with my maid?
What is that buzzing sound in the summer in my room?
Someone sent me a song goodness gracious me are they hinting?
Why don’t I wait three weeks and tell her I was cleaning out my wallet?
What is the advantage of Scentsy over Glade plug-ins?
Can children touch the Liberty Bell?
I’ll go ahead and answer those, in order.
- Forget subtlety. Tell her your crotch needs polishing.
- It’s your girlfriend’s vibrator. Or your cell phone. Or crickets.
- Yes. Good if that song is “I Wanna Be Your Lover,” not so good if it’s “F*$k You.”
- Yeah, I’m sure she’ll buy that, dude… (If you happen to still be reading, please contact me. I’d love to know the story behind this).
- Scentsy smells better and lasts longer. Duh.
- Not anymore, but they used to. I did.
And then there are the real head scratchers.
My chapati balls are slipping from chefmaster.
Circus monkey with guitar.
Corn dog franchises.
Toothless + Man + Hotel.
Oga oga chewka.
And why were people searching for Mark Petruska former wife and Mark Petruska ex-wife?! Trust me, you don’t wanna go there.
Anyway. Always illuminating and good for a chuckle or two.
What weird search terms do people use to read your blog? And if you found me through a search term and continued to read but don’t normally comment, can you go ahead and say hi, and tell me what you were looking for if you remember? Inquiring minds are dying to know.